Very recently, a group of young gents and ladies established a human barricade at Sather Gate. Linked together at the arms and legs and standing back to back (much resembling a phospholipid bilayer), they cut off two of the three … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Living in a Nuclear Filled Zone
Envision a garbage dump at about 2 p.m. It’s 105 degrees. Tsetse flies buzz around your ear. Rotting bananas ooze green filth to the right and to your left a dead cat writhes with maggots. If you look straight ahead … Read More
My Dream, or Death of a Vocalist
I had the dream again. Not the pounded yam dream; the other one. In the dream I a member of the Men’s Octet. I am good looking, funny, and the highlight of campus life from 1:00-2:00 once a week. Everyone … Read More
Bad, Bad Frat Boy Brown
Sort of sung to the tune of Bad, Bad Leroy Brown
The following is not directed towards any particular fraternity (Sig-Ep). Frat Boy Brown depicts a certain type of person who is usually a member of some fraternity (Sig-Ep). I’ve encountered this type of person many a Thursday and Friday night … Read More
Psychic Big Game Predictions
So I hear a bunch of you cheapshits refuse to shell out the dough to see the Big Game this year. Maybe you don’t want to watch huge fleshy men in spandex pile on top of each other. No one … Read More
Ode to Stanfurd
There once was a student
Who went to ‘The Farm,’
A grievous decision
That caused him great harm.
In high school, you see,
This student was fine
‘Till goin to Stanford
Verschnickered his mind.
The first day of school
He … Read More
Why Is That Guy Licking His Shoulder?
Berkeley has a well deserved reputation for being a city of lunatics. Hell, Telegraph is one of the only streets in the world where you can see two naked women performing an impromptu didgeridoo concert. While I’ll admit that there … Read More
My Life in the Movies
Lately, it’s become harder and harder for me to differentiate the real world from the fantasy world projected by movies. This is an account; a collection of memoirs, if you will, that shows this inseparable relationship between movies and my … Read More
Mike Tyson
A Heuristic Squelch Interview
Heuristic Squelch: Thank you, Mr. Tyson, for generously agreeing to do this interview.
Mike Tyson: It’s a pleasure, Squelch.
MT: Are you hungry?
MT: Urn, no,
HS: Are you sure?
MT: Yeah, I’m sure. Why?
HS: Well, I just wouldn’t … Read More
The Chelsea Diaries
Proving once again that Cat is better than Stanford, three unnamed Cat students recently infiltrated the Stanford campus, getting past the bullet-proof windows of Chelsea Clinton’s dorm and stealing her underwear. The operation, named the Presidential Panty Raid (or PPR … Read More
