Ode to Stanfurd

There once was a student
Who went to ‘The Farm,’
A grievous decision
That caused him great harm.
In high school, you see,
This student was fine
‘Till goin to Stanford
Verschnickered his mind.
The first day of school
He met Buffy and Tad
And Mitchell and Muffy-
They didn-A|t seem bad.
Things looked just rosy;
Would the student forget
that going to Stanfurd
Put his family in debt?
But all was not kosher
No, not one bit,
That bright glossy coating
Hid big piles of shit. (Phew!!)
You see, Tad was a racist-
Liked closing the borders.
And sweet little Muffy
Had six eating disorders.
Mitch liked to date-rape.
And Buffy – quite a whore!
Fred Savage just wasn-A|t
Kevin Arnold anymore.
‘Leave me alone!’ He’d cry
Out loud in his sleep
While his suitemates continued
To rape chickens and sheep.
His spirits had sunk
His will to succeed had died,
But he couldn’t flunk out
Not e’en when he tried.
‘Perhaps there’ll be solace
In football,’ thought he
Until he found out
That their mascot’s a tree.
He thought she could help
So he went out and sought her
Yes, you just guessed it:
The President’s daughter!
He thought she would help him
If he screwed her blue.
But her bodyguard fired
His point Twenty-Two.
Our hero, distraught
Devised one last plan
He-A|d defect to BERKELEY
With The AXE in his hand!!!
When he got to CAL,
The joke was on him, though,
Cal took the axe, stole all his money, and left him in People-A|s Park bound naked to a chair…-oh.