As I approach the end of my college career, I’ve managed to achieve a certain sense of clarity. I don’t know why, exactly. I’d like to think that it’s because I’m maturing and learning as I age. I’d like to … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Under the Bridge
An Electrical Engineering and Computer Science Major’s Epiphany
(More or less sung to the tune of Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers)
Sometimes I feel like I hate my lab partners.
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the … Read More
Diary of an Average Joe at Haas
Hey! That’s not the title I wrote. Damm editor! And my name is David. How could you forget my name? I gave you the best years of my life. Don’t tell me you have forgotten Paris, that cafe, and that … Read More
1998 Gulf War interview
A Heuristic Squelch Exclusive
We at the Squelch, as part of our continuous efforts to, uhh, start war, have conducted small interviews with some of the key players in this conflict.
Squelch: let’s start with you Madeleine Albright. What’s your take on the situation?… Read More
The Trials of a Female Science Major
Being a female science major isn’t easy, or at least that’s what the Daily Cal keeps telling me. Actually, it is pretty tough. There are very few girls in my classes, so I have few people to discuss things like … Read More
Trees or Robots?
Which Would You Choose?
TREES _ by Stephen M. Berger_
For years, I have been on a crusade to reveal the truth about trees and robots. Finally, I have my chance to show the world the merits of trees and the many faults of … Read More
Interview With The “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” Dog
Heuristic Squelch: We’re talking today with the “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” chihuahua, who has rocketed to fame with a series of popular commercials. Thanks for consenting to the interview.
Chihuahua: Thanks for having me.
H.S.: Now, before we begin, are … Read More
SMCAT
(Squelch Medical College Admission Test)
Ah, spring. Is there no greater joy in life than to watch the change of the seasons and to witness the rebirth of a fresh, green world? Well, not if you’re a freakin’ pre-med. Yes, that’s right my friends, it’s … Read More
One Non Blonde
No, I didn’t spend my winter in Jamaica. No, I haven’t spent lots of time in the sun. Yes, I did get my hair colored. What, you’re shocked? Guys actually do that? Well, child, sit down, take out a nice … Read More
How To Be Intense
I am an intellectual aesthete in the most sublime sense of the word, and you can be too. It is not at all hard to be Intense, and the rewards are plentiful. When people talk about the Intense, they use … Read More
