Hey! That’s not the title I wrote. Damm editor! And my name is David. How could you forget my name? I gave you the best years of my life. Don’t tell me you have forgotten Paris, that cafe, and that … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
1998 Gulf War interview
A Heuristic Squelch Exclusive
We at the Squelch, as part of our continuous efforts to, uhh, start war, have conducted small interviews with some of the key players in this conflict.
Squelch: let’s start with you Madeleine Albright. What’s your take on the situation?… Read More
The Trials of a Female Science Major
Being a female science major isn’t easy, or at least that’s what the Daily Cal keeps telling me. Actually, it is pretty tough. There are very few girls in my classes, so I have few people to discuss things like … Read More
Trees or Robots?
Which Would You Choose?
TREES _ by Stephen M. Berger_
For years, I have been on a crusade to reveal the truth about trees and robots. Finally, I have my chance to show the world the merits of trees and the many faults of … Read More
Interview With The “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” Dog
Heuristic Squelch: We’re talking today with the “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” chihuahua, who has rocketed to fame with a series of popular commercials. Thanks for consenting to the interview.
Chihuahua: Thanks for having me.
H.S.: Now, before we begin, are … Read More
SMCAT
(Squelch Medical College Admission Test)
Ah, spring. Is there no greater joy in life than to watch the change of the seasons and to witness the rebirth of a fresh, green world? Well, not if you’re a freakin’ pre-med. Yes, that’s right my friends, it’s … Read More
One Non Blonde
No, I didn’t spend my winter in Jamaica. No, I haven’t spent lots of time in the sun. Yes, I did get my hair colored. What, you’re shocked? Guys actually do that? Well, child, sit down, take out a nice … Read More
Why I Love Moffitt Undergraduate Library
I have a special affection in my heart for Moffitt Library. The undergraduate library is, after all, the only place where we undergrads can lord our exclusivity over other groups. Often one can see skulking packs of low-browed and beady-eyed … Read More
Wouldn’t that be Cool?
When you’re watching the Oscars, and someone gives a really lame acceptance speech, do you ever wish you could be in the middle of the audience and just get up and say: “Good sir, I should compare your speech to … Read More
Quite a Lot of Words from the Top
The Future: even in our scientifically advanced society, it is still a daunting prospect. As we enter the 21st century (and I refuse to believe it will be via a bridge, especially not one built by some pasty Arkansas cracker … Read More
