It is standard in the life of any neurotic complainer to run out of personal flaws to foment over. When this happens, he casts his cynical gaze out at the world around him and continues his life of criticism. Scholars … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Let’s make Iraq a State
Manifest Destiny III
In light of the controversy over recent developments in Iraq, not to mention controversy over recent “developments” in President Clinton’s pants, it has become increasingly obvious that the solution to the continuing Gulf Crisis will not be an easy one. … Read More
A Few Parting Words from the Top of the Bottom
As I approach the end of my college career, I’ve managed to achieve a certain sense of clarity. I don’t know why, exactly. I’d like to think that it’s because I’m maturing and learning as I age. I’d like to … Read More
Under the Bridge
An Electrical Engineering and Computer Science Major’s Epiphany
(More or less sung to the tune of Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers)
Sometimes I feel like I hate my lab partners.
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the … Read More
Diary of an Average Joe at Haas
Hey! That’s not the title I wrote. Damm editor! And my name is David. How could you forget my name? I gave you the best years of my life. Don’t tell me you have forgotten Paris, that cafe, and that … Read More
1998 Gulf War interview
A Heuristic Squelch Exclusive
We at the Squelch, as part of our continuous efforts to, uhh, start war, have conducted small interviews with some of the key players in this conflict.
Squelch: let’s start with you Madeleine Albright. What’s your take on the situation?… Read More
The Trials of a Female Science Major
Being a female science major isn’t easy, or at least that’s what the Daily Cal keeps telling me. Actually, it is pretty tough. There are very few girls in my classes, so I have few people to discuss things like … Read More
Trees or Robots?
Which Would You Choose?
TREES _ by Stephen M. Berger_
For years, I have been on a crusade to reveal the truth about trees and robots. Finally, I have my chance to show the world the merits of trees and the many faults of … Read More
Interview With The “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” Dog
Heuristic Squelch: We’re talking today with the “Yo Quiero Taco Bell” chihuahua, who has rocketed to fame with a series of popular commercials. Thanks for consenting to the interview.
Chihuahua: Thanks for having me.
H.S.: Now, before we begin, are … Read More
The Ballad of Eddie and Yoshua
There was a man named Preacher Ed
Who spoke the word of God
At Sather Gate, come rain or shine
To all the Berkeley mob.
But Eddie warn’t the only man
Who liked to preach and yell
There also was … Read More
