Attention premeds! Stressed out about the MCATS? Busy filling out your primary applications ? Just when you thought you were overwhelmed, you realize that you have not done your personal statements. As Macauly Culkin would say, Aggggggg! Anyway, no fear, … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Tower of Power
If you’ve never seen the tower on Carleton and Shattuck, then you might as well skip this little article. If you have seen this little monstrosity, then you have witnessed the city of Berkeley’s greatest mystery. Greater than Dwindle. Greater … Read More
A Final Word from the Top
Amidst a hundred candidates, waving their large placards and thrusting sheets of meaningless paper into the unwilling hands of the students of this campus, there stood a dedicated bunch. Parking themselves 30 or 40 feet in front of Sather Gate, … Read More
Short Conversations
“Have you seen ‘Titanic’?”
“Every day in the shower, baby.”
“I don’t like toast.”
“What do you mean, you don’t like toast? What are you. a communist?”
“What class is your midterm in?”
“Ummm….”
“How was last night?”
“I touched … Read More
Squelchboy Interview: Jesus Christ
A rare chance to gain insight into the mind of a diety, the Lord expounds on the Easter Bunny, the Pope and gerbils
Three days after his crucifixion on April 10, 0033, Jesus H. Christ rose to heaven, making himself into an instant celebrity and the inspiration for several cult followings. It is a lesser known fact that after this untimely departure, Jesus … Read More
That Darn Gato
A beginner’s guide to award-winning gringo cats
With Cinco de Mayo rapidly approaching, elderly individuals across the nation are feverishly gearing their favorite kitties up for the big fiesta. However, every year these senseless, crackpot old-timers tend to go a little overboard with their kitty garnishings, each … Read More
Why I Love Moffitt Undergraduate Library
I have a special affection in my heart for Moffitt Library. The undergraduate library is, after all, the only place where we undergrads can lord our exclusivity over other groups. Often one can see skulking packs of low-browed and beady-eyed … Read More
Wouldn’t that be Cool?
When you’re watching the Oscars, and someone gives a really lame acceptance speech, do you ever wish you could be in the middle of the audience and just get up and say: “Good sir, I should compare your speech to … Read More
Ever Feel Smarter Than Your Professor?
It is standard in the life of any neurotic complainer to run out of personal flaws to foment over. When this happens, he casts his cynical gaze out at the world around him and continues his life of criticism. Scholars … Read More
Let’s make Iraq a State
Manifest Destiny III
In light of the controversy over recent developments in Iraq, not to mention controversy over recent “developments” in President Clinton’s pants, it has become increasingly obvious that the solution to the continuing Gulf Crisis will not be an easy one. … Read More
