Most people wait until right before graduation before reflecting upon their college experience. Unfortunately for me, only the evil demons within Sproul Hall and VLSB know when that date will be, and they refuse to tell me. So, in case … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
A Peculiar Problem
Nowadays the process of abortion seems simple enough. Barring interference from right-wing extremists who demand that you the let clump of cells in your womb grow into a healthy little welfare leech, getting rid of an unwanted pregnancy is, to … Read More
A Flagrant Abuse of Editorial Power
Communication is a neat thing. It’s neat not only because it gives sorority chicks something to major in while being completely blitzed out of their minds on coke, but also because there are so many ways to go about it. … Read More
How to Be a Misanthrope
On the Berkeley campus, it’s hard to be a misanthrope. Everyone is constantly accosting you. It became clear about twelve minutes into my tenure at Berkeley that it was going to be mighty difficult to get people to leave me … Read More
Freshman Disorientation
Hey there boys and girls, my name is Dick. My sister Jane and I used to be innocent freshmen just like you until we broke free from the neo-Puritanical mores of 1950’s retro art and entered the drug induced world … Read More
Koo Can’t Cook
Every evening, the question in my apartment is: What shall we have for din-din? As I get sick and tired of wondering what to scavenge for my daily requirement of protein and fat, I have decided to offer suggestions as … Read More
Squelchboy Interview: Jesus Christ
A rare chance to gain insight into the mind of a diety, the Lord expounds on the Easter Bunny, the Pope and gerbils
Three days after his crucifixion on April 10, 0033, Jesus H. Christ rose to heaven, making himself into an instant celebrity and the inspiration for several cult followings. It is a lesser known fact that after this untimely departure, Jesus … Read More
That Darn Gato
A beginner’s guide to award-winning gringo cats
With Cinco de Mayo rapidly approaching, elderly individuals across the nation are feverishly gearing their favorite kitties up for the big fiesta. However, every year these senseless, crackpot old-timers tend to go a little overboard with their kitty garnishings, each … Read More
Letters to the Editors
Dear Squelch,
… Read MoreWhat the fuck is with you dorks?!? Why do you keep writing shit about my house, Sig-Phi-Ep? You better watch out or one of these days we’re gonna have to get wasted and kick your puny little asses!!!
Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places
Spring Break in Rosarito beach, Mexico- you’re probably thinking of sun, cheap beer and erotic grinding with hot members of the opposite sex. And for good reason. Legend has it that Rosarito has provided these three commodities for generations. Unfortunately, … Read More
