A Flagrant Abuse of Editorial Power

Communication is a neat thing. It’s neat not only because it gives sorority chicks something to major in while being completely blitzed out of their minds on coke, but also because there are so many ways to go about it. I would like to, using a simple example, explore some different avenues of communication. Call it Luke’s Com. 101A if you will. Call it three scoop shit sundae with bubonic sludge topping. That’s not the important part.


Luke asks his friend Dave if he wants to go out for a beer on, say, Friday, September 4th.

Possible Options

*Sky-writing- This options is for morons

*In Person- This approach has problems. First of all, Dave and I are busy guys. If we don’t see each other before Friday, we’re SOL, I don’t mean sucking on lollipops. There’s no second of all.

*E-mail- We’re getting better. Dave checks his email a lot, because he’s constantly online viewing porn. However, if a world war broke out, it could potentially screw up the internet.

*Telephone- This is by far the best medium of communication. It’s cheap, fast, and virtually foolproof. I should definitely use this tactic

Of course, I’m not going to. I work for the Squelch, after all. I push the boundaries of humor, other peoples’ patience, and coloring books. I am going to to use the most unprofessional, self-serving, and inefficient method available to me. How inefficient, you ask? It will be like calling in a squadron of B-52’s to carpet bomb the entire campus just to get rid of the Cal-PIRG recruiters. To put this in terms the sorority girl can understand (this article was written to educate the student of communications, after all), it will be like fasting for a month, getting a makeover, and wearing an off-the-shoulder prom dress to ask an EECS major out on a date. Follow me? Good. Now, what I’m going to do is ask Dave via this very Squelch article.

Mid-article Shout-out

Hey Dave? Wanna go get a beer on Friday? I’ll meet you at the Bear’s Lair at 4. See you then. Call me if you’re busy – my number is in the staff box in case you forgot it.

Wasn’t that the most wasteful, disgusting, arrogant thing you’ve ever seen? Let me make it easier to swallow (sorority slam #3). This issue probably cost about a thousand bucks. Divided by 16, you get $62.50 per page. The Squelch is a student group – that means students help fund it. You guys just got together and rounded up cash so that I could set up a social engagement. Feel like a moron? Well, voice your complaints via sky-writing.