Oh, that’s hilarious! You really are Rick James, bitch. What? OKAY! Nothing irks me more than people who refer to the “Little John” sketch. First of all, he’s LIL JON, not Little John. Little John was one of Robin Hood’s … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Suicide Dog!
The Dog That Wants to Die
Something tells me my dog wants to kill himself. Recently his behavior has been getting worse and worse.
I got home one day and he had slit his doggie wrists. “Bad dog!” I yelled at him. “It’s down the road, … Read More
Anthropological Evolution of a Screen Name
Throughout the history of my life, my Internet habits have changed, and as such, so has my screen name. I’ve seen some crazy ones out there, though I can’t say that mine haven’t been bad either. Here’s a brief history … Read More
Road Trip to Hades
For spring break, my roommate spent a week in Cancun. My best friend went to Cabo. My dog Max just stayed home, but at least he can fellate himself regularly. Alas, I’m not so lucky. I went to Hades. That’s … Read More
Disneyland: The Deadliest Place on Earth
Guy Falls Off Tom Sawyer Raft and Dies
Chances are, if you fall off a slow-moving simulated raft ride into a shallow mock river and die, you just weren’t meant to be here in the first place. The “river” that … Read More
Words from the Top
Godspeed
In this, my final Words from the Top as your beloved Editor-in-Chief, I’d like to now take this opportunity to run down a list of as many terms for female genitalia as possible:
Pussy. Vagina. Labia. Murderer’s Row. Twat. Pudendum. … Read More
The 1944 Olympics
DANFORTH: Welcome to the 1944 Olympics! We’re coming to you live from the Olympics that no one thought would ever happen. While most of the World’s more impressive atheletes are currently vaulting over landmines, kayaking past enemy positions, and Greco-Roman … Read More
History? OK!
From the dawn of human civilization to its apex in the mid-1920s and beyond, people have been compiling quite a file that in its wisdom calls history. History documents many important things for its present-day pupils, for instance the evolution … Read More
The Last Great Race
Think you have what it takes to mush in the Iditarod? Do you like reading lists? Here are the rules:
Each competitor should be equipped with no more than sixteen sled dogs, preferably Siberian huskies. Siberian huskies are unique dogs … Read More
Super (Pretentious) Political Science Man!
Excuse me, sir. I know you feel your purchase of a carbonated soft drink is important, but you need to step aside. I’m a hurried political scientist, and I’m coming through.
No, sir, I will not go fuck myself. I’m … Read More
