_First Date _
Margaret: …then he said he could never marry me. I guess I’ve been afraid of a serious relationship ever since.
Mega: Bzzzzz. Bzzzzz.
Margaret: Ohh thank you. You’re right, I do deserve better.
Mega: Bzzzz.
Margaret: I’ve … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
If Everything in Life was Like Having a Girlfriend
Doing Yoga
You: Finally, I’ve been looking forward to this all day. Are you ready for some yoga?
Yoga Instructor: You know, it’s been a long day, and I’m really tired…I’m just not in the mood right now. Is that … Read More
Trial Transcripts from the ADD Court Stenographer
Q. Did you see someone leave Ms. Sakamura’s apartment on the night in question?
A. Yes.
Q. And were you able to identify this person?
A. Yes.
Q. How?
A. I recognized his something something corduroy something.
Q. Was there … Read More
Pre-Jection
In this fast-paced internet-based fiber-optic African-swallow age of ours where time is money and money some sort of meta-time, we’re just too busy for standard courtship whether in romance, finance, or metallurgy. We need answers and we need them before … Read More
The Windian Beneath My Wings
Hello, my name is Mitchell Scott Rodricks, and I’m a Windian.
Now I’m sure you’re saying to yourself, “Well what the heck is a Windian and how can I get him to have sex with me?” A Windian is a … Read More
Sherlock Holmes Meets CSI!
Crime Scene #1:
Double Homicide, Kitchen
Sherlock Holmes: Yes, hmmm, yes.
[Holmes paces up and down the dingy room excitedly, pausing briefly every few minutes to examine a loose screw or the victims’ shoes.]
Detective Brass: His wife … Read More
Zagat Survey 2005
Drug Dealers
LC
Palazzo Apartments, #205. El Cerrito
Satisfied regulars describe LC’s weed as “dank” and “where are my keys.” Service is “butt-slow,” however; calling an hour ahead is recommended “so he can wake up and answer the door.” Also, closed from … Read More
“Finally! A Beer For My Active Lifestyle!”
Picture this: You’re casually practicing volleyball at a Malibu beach court with your handsome heterosexual best friend, Chet, discussing the subjects that every straight man thinks about: girls, highlighter shorts, the proper form for a leg press, watching football, and … Read More
O Canada!
As a Canadian living in America, I have come to realize that you guys know next to nothing about your neighbors to the north, nor do you express any desire to know us. What, you think you’re better than us … Read More
Douglas Unger’s Roommate Questionnaire
(1) SEX
Male
Female
First one, then the other
Both (specify/draw a picture) ________
(2) OCCUPATION
Quiet, Reflective, Full-Time Student
Professional Whisperer
Tiptoeologist
Drummer with Access to Prescription Sleep Aids
(3) COOKING EXPERIENCE
Confectionary Major
Watched enough Iron Chef to … Read More
