_Nate is a young man whose life is tragically cut short. Now he’s in heaven hanging out with all his internal organs as they go on a series of crazy, afterlife adventures. Hang on, because this season is gonna be … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Drunk Driving: Just Say Yo!
It happens every Saturday night all over America, in towns just like yours. Young people gather to have a few drinks, and those drinks turn into a few too many. Then, tragedy strikes: there’s no decent food around. In fact, … Read More
If Frat Boys Wrote Fortune Cookies
Love is like a rose; I’ve bought both from immigrants on corners.
There’s a time to be proud and there’s a time to be humble; everybody yaks on their knees.
You will purchase a hookah over the internet and people … Read More
Transformers They Don’t Want You to Know About
Breakout
Transforms from a robot without herpes to a robot with herpes after having unprotected sex with Optimus Prime
Alternate Modes: Robot in free clinic, Robot calling all her old boyfriends
Motto: “But you’re the only one I’ve … Read More
Discount Wisdom
They say the lion is the king of the jungle, but I think it’s the bulldozer.
I sympathize with animal rights activists, because I think animals are people too. Inferior, delicious, inhuman people.
People always tell me I make delicious … Read More
Grey’s Anatomy
INT. MEDICAL HOSPITAL – NIGHT
It’s the third shift at a DOWNTOWN medical hospital. DESPITE the LATE hour, the HOSPITAL is humming STEADILY.
The camera tracks through the hospital, showing us many hospital
things, then follows a gurney as it … Read More
Words From the Top
Dear Squelch
We here at the Squelch are proud to be entering our 16th year on this campus, and we’d like to celebrate by answering our readers’ most commonly asked questions. Unfortunately none of our readers have ever asked us anything. The … Read More
Great Moments in the History of Invention
Explosives
Inventor of the Dynamite Stick : MOTHER FUCK! OH FUCK MY MOTHERFUCKING ARM IS GONE!!!
Inventor of the Dynamite Fuse : Next time, try using one of these. It’s called a fuse.
Inventor of the Dynamite Stick : Will … Read More
The Truth About the Future
In the 1980’s, no doubt you imagined that the year 2000 would be filled with futuristic Jetsonesque wonders like flying cars, moving floors, and equality in the workplace. Oh, how very wrong you were. We at the Squelch are here … Read More
Rumsfeld Resignation Address
[Rumsfeld enters and takes the podium]
Thank you all for coming. As you may have inferred from the mid-term election results, I am resigning the post of Secretary of Defense. Before I take leave of you, I have … Read More
