According to most of the studies done on this kind of thing, America is the fattest country in the world. I know for a fact that this isn’t true, because I know of some island nation somewhere where, no lie, … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
The Future of Video Game Series
The Sims 3: Barely Makin’ Ends Meet!
Players will delight as their Sims put the “rock” back in rock bottom! Get fired from the slaughterhouse, perform comically censored but highly suggestive sexual favors for strangers, and earn enough to pay … Read More
The Diary of the Last Man on Earth
Janaury 18, 2008
It’s been three weeks now since the sky turned green and the storms began. I thought it was some kind of terrorist attack, or environmental disaster, but I’m at a loss for what really happened. I’ve been … Read More
A Very aDoyle-able Christmas
Well it’s been an amazing year full of blessings, challenges, and rough-edged rewards. It all started last year when our whole family–Alan, Lindsey, our beloved dog Jonathan, and our beloved son Harold–found ourselves back under one roof, one garage, and … Read More
Words From the Top
Dear Squelch
We here at the Squelch are proud to be entering our 16th year on this campus, and we’d like to celebrate by answering our readers’ most commonly asked questions. Unfortunately none of our readers have ever asked us anything. The … Read More
Great Moments in the History of Invention
Explosives
Inventor of the Dynamite Stick : MOTHER FUCK! OH FUCK MY MOTHERFUCKING ARM IS GONE!!!
Inventor of the Dynamite Fuse : Next time, try using one of these. It’s called a fuse.
Inventor of the Dynamite Stick : Will … Read More
The Truth About the Future
In the 1980’s, no doubt you imagined that the year 2000 would be filled with futuristic Jetsonesque wonders like flying cars, moving floors, and equality in the workplace. Oh, how very wrong you were. We at the Squelch are here … Read More
Rumsfeld Resignation Address
[Rumsfeld enters and takes the podium]
Thank you all for coming. As you may have inferred from the mid-term election results, I am resigning the post of Secretary of Defense. Before I take leave of you, I have … Read More
In-Class Drinking Games
Political Science
Take a Shot every time the one Libertarian tries to change the discussion to how pot should be legal.
Take a Shot of Vodka each time a student uses the term “capitalist” like it means “AIDS”
Person to … Read More
Homeless Comedians
Jerry Seinfeld
I don’t know about you guys, but I like to stay clean. But it’s so much trouble these days. Every time you get clean you’re just gonna rub vomit in your hair all over again.
[laughter]… Read More
