_Nate is a young man whose life is tragically cut short. Now he’s in heaven hanging out with all his internal organs as they go on a series of crazy, afterlife adventures. Hang on, because this season is gonna be … Read More

Love is like a rose; I’ve bought both from immigrants on corners.

There’s a time to be proud and there’s a time to be humble; everybody yaks on their knees.

You will purchase a hookah over the internet and people … Read More

Jerry Seinfeld

I don’t know about you guys, but I like to stay clean. But it’s so much trouble these days. Every time you get clean you’re just gonna rub vomit in your hair all over again.

[laughter]… Read More

From the makers of Invisalign, the invisible braces, comes Invisimask. The Invisimask system is a mostly painless system for facial correction and beautification. Developed by NASA for ugly astronauts, the patented space-age Uglon technology subtly alters your facial features while … Read More

Thanks to the Democrats, 3-time “King of the C-Block Showers” Back-Alley Mike is back on the street to teach you the fundamentals of self defense.

“Staring down the barrel of a gun is one of the most challenging situations … Read More

They say the lion is the king of the jungle, but I think it’s the bulldozer.

I sympathize with animal rights activists, because I think animals are people too. Inferior, delicious, inhuman people.

People always tell me I make delicious … Read More

We here at the Squelch are proud to be entering our 16th year on this campus, and we’d like to celebrate by answering our readers’ most commonly asked questions. Unfortunately none of our readers have ever asked us anything. The … Read More