- Whammerhammers
- Kablammerhammers
- Smackerhammers
- Bonkerhammers
- Hitterbats
- Toastertoasters
- Babymakersex
- Brusherbrushes
- Floaterboats
- Flyerplanes
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Five Sentences Containing All 26 Letters of the English Alphabet
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The quick brown lumps over jazzy box frowned dog
-
The quick dog jumps over lazy frown box
- Lazy dogs, quick, jump over the brown fox!
- The brown fox jumps quick over the lazy dog
- The quick brown fox jumps over
Top Ten Pornographic California License Plates
- SKNFLUT
- RIM JOB
- BOOBIES
- MSTRB8R
- FOOTGUY
- BESTIAL
- VAGANAL
- 8MYBALS
- MYCOKNU
- IEATBOX
Top Ten Things to Say While Leading a Campus Tour
- “This is where the Squelch writes top ten lists . . . Hey, what are you doing with that notepad? He’s writing down everything we say!” Self-reference is stupid.
- “I cut this glory hole myself.”
- “There goes my ex-girlfriend–On three,
Top Ten Porn Cereals
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Porn Flakes
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Blueberry Hand Job
- Cream of Guy
- Cinnamon Ass Munch
- Product 69
- Frosted Mini-Teats
- Honey Womb
- Cap’n Crotch
- Special KY
- Dild-O’s
Top Ten Times to Look Down a Girl’s Shirt
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When you can’t look at her cootch
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In Astro lab with your big ol’ telescope!! Aw yeah.
- At church when she bows for communion
- When your boyfriend isn’t looking
- When you’re just friends and she’s just hot
- Any time
- When
Top Ten Reasons to Raise the Fence Around Berkeley High
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Because you already raised the roof
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Prevent Tom Holmoe from ruining their football team, too
- Less schools, less prisons, more prison-schools
- Make it even harder to leave Berkeley High
- Kids are getting taller
- Misinterpreted “raising the bar”
- See if students
Top Ten Reasons the Sex We Just Had Was Dirty
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I wanted to go in, but the placenta wanted to come out
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Because my mother told me so
- Two people, five hands
- So much dirt was involved
- First condom breaking, fine; fifth condom breaking, weird
- Because you’re not going to
Top Ten Things Porn Stars Do After Work
- The opposite of sex
- Read a romance novel by firelight
- Go home to wife, just snuggle
- Buy Costco drum of mouthwash
- Lather, rinse, repeat
- Husband
- Algebra homework
- Call a real plumber
- Laundry
- Put pants back on
Top Twelve Items in a “Hi-Tech Burrito”
- 600 Free Hours of AOL for 45 days
- Open-Source Salsa
- Global positioning software
- Smart Beef
- Supercream XP
- Surveillance Olives
- Missle Defense Shield
- Hoverbeans
- Kt133 – Chipset
- Stealth guacamole