Well, the weather is picking up lately. It’s hot outside and hotter still inside. The sweet spring air makes me want to grab someone special, head for the local 7-Eleven and win the lottery all day long. Of course, after … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
UC Berkeley: Back in Time
Sometimes on the UC Berkeley campus it is tough to go ten feet without a Palestinian or Israeli trying to get your attention, crawl down your ear, and eat the tasty nutmeats within. With all the activism on campus, you’d … Read More
U.S. Withdraws Support for Israeli Baby-Killing
Critics of U.S. foreign aid to Israel had reason to cheer this week as the U.S. withdrew financial support from a state-run factory in Tel Aviv. American diplomats were taking a tour of the facility when they discovered that the … Read More
Top Ten Jeopardy Categories
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Potent Potables
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Biblical Harlots
- Rhetorical Questions
- Cross-Dressers I’ve Been Fooled By
- Famous First People to Step on Moon
- Ends With Y
- Famous Old Dead Cocksuckers
- Pederasty
- Yes/No Answers
- My Clothes Off (As in, “I’ll take My Clothes Off for eight
Top Ten Times to Look Down a Girl’s Shirt
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When you can’t look at her cootch
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In Astro lab with your big ol’ telescope!! Aw yeah.
- At church when she bows for communion
- When your boyfriend isn’t looking
- When you’re just friends and she’s just hot
- Any time
- When
Top Ten Reasons to Raise the Fence Around Berkeley High
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Because you already raised the roof
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Prevent Tom Holmoe from ruining their football team, too
- Less schools, less prisons, more prison-schools
- Make it even harder to leave Berkeley High
- Kids are getting taller
- Misinterpreted “raising the bar”
- See if students
Top Ten Reasons the Sex We Just Had Was Dirty
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I wanted to go in, but the placenta wanted to come out
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Because my mother told me so
- Two people, five hands
- So much dirt was involved
- First condom breaking, fine; fifth condom breaking, weird
- Because you’re not going to
Top Ten Things Porn Stars Do After Work
- The opposite of sex
- Read a romance novel by firelight
- Go home to wife, just snuggle
- Buy Costco drum of mouthwash
- Lather, rinse, repeat
- Husband
- Algebra homework
- Call a real plumber
- Laundry
- Put pants back on
Top Twelve Items in a “Hi-Tech Burrito”
- 600 Free Hours of AOL for 45 days
- Open-Source Salsa
- Global positioning software
- Smart Beef
- Supercream XP
- Surveillance Olives
- Missle Defense Shield
- Hoverbeans
- Kt133 – Chipset
- Stealth guacamole
Top Ten Porn Cereals
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Porn Flakes
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Blueberry Hand Job
- Cream of Guy
- Cinnamon Ass Munch
- Product 69
- Frosted Mini-Teats
- Honey Womb
- Cap’n Crotch
- Special KY
- Dild-O’s