- Coming means “having an orgasm”
- When you’re imagining having sex
with Elizabeth Hurley - You just threw the British and they’re
a boomerang - When you run over the Town Crier
with a horse - When you’re drunk in Boston
- Before the British
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Ten Steven Seagal Movies
- The Legend of Bagger Steve
- Steven Seagal Counts Backward From
50, Part 2 - Point Break Your Face
- Steven’s Choice
- Not Without My Son
- Wild On Steven Seagal
- I Like to Squint
- Straight to Video: Then to the Trash-can
- Out for
Top Ten Bad Ice Cream Man Songs
- I Touch Myself
- Beethoven’s 5th
- Ambulance “theme song”
- I Want Candy
- The Entertainer
- College Girls Are Easy
- Ice Ice Baby
- Any song by Poison
- Suicide is Painless
- Hot in Herre
Point/Counterpoint
Our Dad’s New Girlfriend is Evil
Jesse and Jenny
Children
Dad, please, you’ve got to listen to us! I know you really like this new woman you’ve met, but please believe us when we tell you: she’s pure evil and … Read More
African AIDS Orphans Give to Charitable Cause
Following the lead of many Americans, African orphans who have lost both parents to AIDS have been donating the money raised for them to children of victims killed in the attacks of September 11th. Like many Americans who never considered … Read More
Top Ten Reasons Bush Can Wage War Without The Consent of Congress
- ‘Cause
- He got the OK from Barbara Lee over tears and coffee
- Because he’s our fairly and democratically elected commander-in-chief
- Got consent from Israeli Parliament instead
- Because no one cares what he does with his toy soldiers
- Thought consent was
Top Ten Ways to Solve UC Labor Dispute
- Foreigners!
- Black market GSI’s
- Just look things up in a goddamn
dictionary! - One lecture for all classes
- Webcasts, webcasts, webcasts
- Move over to more self-teaching
system - Russian roulette
- Sticks and stones
- Monkeys with fl ashcards
- Lecturers withdraw to West Bank
Top Ten Consequences of Pushing the Red Button
- The lint trap clears
- Window pops up that reads: “Do you really want to push the red button?”
- Telegraph drunk yells “Ow, that’s my nose!”
- Bigger red button kicks your ass
- Shields pop up at last possible second
- All traffic
Top Ten Things Women Do in the Bathroom Together
- Silently go about their business
- Each other
- Talk shit
- Conspire against Castro
- Wait for the GHB to be put in their
drink - Solve crimes
- Magically transfer excrement from
body to toilet, because girls don’t take
shits - Discuss merits of Hobbesian
Top Ten Terrorist Dances
- George W. Bush Cha-Cha
- Echo Tango Foxtrot
- Momar Meringue
- Intifandango
- PLO Polka
- Hamas Hustle
- Jihad Jig
- Sharon Swing
- Lindh-y Hop
- Osama Mamba
