“Yesterday, December 7, 1941 GAA a date which will live in infamy GAA the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.”
GAA Franklin Delano Roosevelt, December 8th, 1941… Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
Shit Goes Down in Haiti
In the last week or so, some serious shit has gone down in Haiti, according to a White House statement released Thursday. “Shit’s all fucked up and we don’t think anyone really knows what’s going on. Totally random,” said press … Read More
Tech Support Through History
Caveman Times
[Ring ring]
T.S.: Tech support. What can I do for you?
Caveman: I’ve got some problems with the sticks.
T.S.: Like what? Did you remember to break the stick off the tree first? Are you holding a branch?… Read More
Chancellor Excited About New Career
In a recent interview, Chancellor Berdahl announced his intention to drop his post-retirement teaching plans in the hopes of realizing his full potential as “that guy who plays the Campanile bells every day at noon.” The grueling nature of his … Read More
Top Ten Reasons to Have Sex with Berkeley Hobos
- You’re just coming to grips with your hobosexuality
- You’re protesting clean, safe sex with attractive people
- You’re a member of CalPIRG
- He said he was a doctor and he swore he’d call you sometime
- You’re from Stanford, and it’s better
Top Ten Things Overheard on Cable Action Shows
Top Ten Signs Your Roommate Is an Old Delta Bluesman
- Sports an “Old Delta Bluesman” T-shirt, but not ironically
- Ken Burns always peering through the windows
- Lots of red suspenders
- His room always smells like whiskey and tears
- Don’t done got no replacement toilet roll
- Every week, Eric Clapton stops
Top Ten Most Unlikely “Bush in 2004” Campaign Slogans
- Elect him again, for the first time
- Now more than ever, horses in midstream like Ike
- Continue remembering September 11th
- And this time, we won’t need Jesus!
- Eight amendments down, 19 to go
- Play it again, Scalia
- This may be
Girl Alleges Boba-Related Sexual Harassment
First time boba drinker Elaine Casey is currently pressing charges against local eatery Boba Land for sexual harassment and psychological damage. Last Friday Casey, a UC Berkeley freshman from Bakersfield, ordered an almond milk tea drink and was shocked and … Read More
