- Sports an “Old Delta Bluesman” T-shirt, but not ironically
- Ken Burns always peering through the windows
- Lots of red suspenders
- His room always smells like whiskey and tears
- Don’t done got no replacement toilet roll
- Every week, Eric Clapton stops
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Five Pickup Lines That Women Like to Hear
Top Ten Things Overheard on Cable Action Shows
Girl Alleges Boba-Related Sexual Harassment
First time boba drinker Elaine Casey is currently pressing charges against local eatery Boba Land for sexual harassment and psychological damage. Last Friday Casey, a UC Berkeley freshman from Bakersfield, ordered an almond milk tea drink and was shocked and … Read More
Top Ten Worst World Records to Hold
- Least time with mother’s love
- Most uplifting Pantera album
- Deadest baby
- Most nostrils
- Gayest scarf
- Wife won’t shut up
- Fattest fat fatty
- Least amount of skin
- Biggest Jew
- Most needs his nappy time
Top Ten New Snack Slogans for 12-year-olds
Top Ten Most Unlikely “Bush in 2004” Campaign Slogans
- Elect him again, for the first time
- Now more than ever, horses in midstream like Ike
- Continue remembering September 11th
- And this time, we won’t need Jesus!
- Eight amendments down, 19 to go
- Play it again, Scalia
- This may be
Top Ten Reasons to Have Sex with Berkeley Hobos
- You’re just coming to grips with your hobosexuality
- You’re protesting clean, safe sex with attractive people
- You’re a member of CalPIRG
- He said he was a doctor and he swore he’d call you sometime
- You’re from Stanford, and it’s better
Top Ten Lesser-known Aphorisms of Benjamin Franklin
Top Five Most Popular Baby Names Given by Retarded Parents
- Madison, the most retarded name of all
- Skee-Ball
- Mrs. Carlson, or whatever the name of their social worker is
- Disneyland
- Graham Crackers