If you’re like most poor people, you’re probably having some problems finding decent health coverage, but you probably aren’t having any problems finding diseases. When shopping for back-alley physicians, always remember the back-alley Hippocratic Oath: “If it’s an unlimited supply … Read More
Everyone knows that Friday the 13th, a full moon, and illiteracy cause bad luck. But what of the lesser-known superstitions out there? Don’t be unprepared:
Stepping on cracks will break your mother’s back. Walking on curbs will get on your … Read More
T.S.: Tech support. What can I do for you?
Caveman: I’ve got some problems with the sticks.
T.S.: Like what? Did you remember to break the stick off the tree first? Are you holding a branch?… Read More
Whomever it May Concern:
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “I, George Washington Carver, didn’t commit suicide.” Well I did. Life is full of surprises.
I decided to end my life because I foresaw being known as “the Peanut Guy,” … Read More
Lying to children is fun and easy. Observe the following commonplacelies, and then find a small life to ruin.
Lie: With hard work you can be anything you want to be.
Truth: Try as you might, kid, but you’ll never … Read More
It’s 2024. My rebellious son Seamus O’Murphy Padrick-Keane wants to borrow the space-car, but he’s been grounded for breaking space-curfew. When I refuse to give him the keys, Seamus wallops me over the head with an empty bottle of space-whiskey. … Read More