With Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s life hanging in the balance at Hadassah Hospital in Jerusalem, the Mid-East Peace Process is fucked. And I don’t mean “you scratched mom’s new car” fucked, I mean “you accidentally dumped that whole ounce … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
White People Jokes!
How many white people does it take to invent the lightbulb?
Just one!
What did one white guy say to the other white guy?
“I got into Yale.”
Why did the white man throw the clock out the window?
Because … Read More
Howard Stern Moves to Satellite
After a brief hiatus from the airwaves, DJ Howard Stern returned to radio on the Sirius Satellite Network. Media analysts expected Stern’s millions of loyal viewers to make the switch to satellite radio, but the superstar shock jock’s reception was … Read More
My Christmas With Cobra
Since my parents were recently killed by wolves in a tragic boating accident, I didn’t have anywhere to go for the holidays. I didn’t want to do retail or customer service, so I entered a winter internship program for the … Read More
Handling the Homeless
Berkeley attracts homeless people like sluts attract Chlamydia, only sluts can treat Chlamydia, while we are left to deal with the itchy discharge that is the homeless. Every homeless man, woman or dog uses some weep-story tragedy to try to … Read More
Re: Professor Indiana Jones
Attn: Harry Berman, Dean
Arthur Horn, Department Chair
Re: Professor Indiana Jones
Dear Sirs,
As much as it pains me to speak ill of a fellow professor, I simply cannot remain silent any longer about Professor Jones’ abhorrent behavior and … Read More
Top Ten Pornographic Movies Featuring Sex with a Miner
- Squat Claimers
- Silt on My Face
- Two in the Pinkerton
- Mother Loads
- Snow White and the Seven Dwarves: Uncensored
- The Further Adventures of John Shovel-Cock
- Sluice Boxes, Loose Foxes and Moose Cockses (illegal in US)
- Sluice Boxes and Loose Foxes
Top Ten Signs Sex with a Polar Bear Is Going Poorly
- Safety word “grwerwerwer” sounds lot like signal for fuck me harder “grwerfwere”
- You already went black bear and now you can’t go back
- Relationship dying due to language bear-ier
- “Fuck Buddies” means different things to each of you
- Everywhere you
Top Five Things You May or May Not Hear in a Leper Colony
- These “Kiss Me I’m a Leper” shirts don’t work very well at all
- INDIAN BURN!
- Is that a banana in your sock or are you just glad to see me?
- Wow, I’ve already lost 140 pounds on this diet
- I
Top Ten Reasons to Stop Going to That Jewish Strip Club
- Holocausts you a fortune
- Strippers are Jewish women
- You didn’t go for a couple of weeks and now every time you go back they ask how come you never visit
- Stripper’s name is Crystal Nacht
- You’re OPEC and you don’t
