- Safety word “grwerwerwer” sounds lot like signal for fuck me harder “grwerfwere”
- You already went black bear and now you can’t go back
- Relationship dying due to language bear-ier
- “Fuck Buddies” means different things to each of you
- Everywhere you
Author Archives: The Squelch
<i>Other</i> New Baby Einstein Videos
Baby Einstein videos are supposed to make your infant son or daughter smarter just by watching them. This from the same company that brought you Learn Korean While You Sleep, Study for the LSATS While You Watch Rocky II, and … Read More
Words From the Top
s
Dearest Readers,
I have some bad news for you. Are you sitting down? Good. OK. Brace yourself.
I’m graduating.
For those of you who didn’t just have a three-way heart attack, embolism, and third degree pants-crapping, you probably don’t know … Read More
Unemployment Rate Skyrockets
Caving in to pressure from campus activists, UC-Berkeley Chancellor Robert Birgeneau announced yesterday that the campus would no longer use sweatshop labor to make its Cal apparel. The resulting wave of layoffs has led to the highest unemployment rate among … Read More
Excerpts from The Bible’s DVD Commentary Track
[opening credits]
Producer: Of course in retrospect it seems totally obvious, but I remember we agonized for a while about casting God.
Director: And then–it was our casting director Jerry, I think–he brought up the idea of just … Read More
Upwardly Mobile Dog Seeks Less Homeless Owner
Rusty, a local homeless dog, has recently indicated his desire to split from his homeless owner. “I used to be a guide dog,” Rusty explained, “but that ended when my last owner grew new eyes.” Rusty’s current owner, Albert Wurster, … Read More
Howard Stern Moves to Satellite
After a brief hiatus from the airwaves, DJ Howard Stern returned to radio on the Sirius Satellite Network. Media analysts expected Stern’s millions of loyal viewers to make the switch to satellite radio, but the superstar shock jock’s reception was … Read More
Nickelodeon Solutions to Everyday Problems
PROBLEM: Your rent is due tomorrow and you don’t get paid until next week.
LIKELY RESULT: Another long night in the apartment manager’s office. At least you remember to bring your kneepads this time. Listerine may wash away the night’s … Read More
White People Jokes!
How many white people does it take to invent the lightbulb?
Just one!
What did one white guy say to the other white guy?
“I got into Yale.”
Why did the white man throw the clock out the window?
Because … Read More
If The Actors Really Were President
Since the time when that first primeval man first climbed down from the first trees, literally hundreds of years ago, our most beloved actors have depicted the President. But what if roles were switched and the actors really were President…… Read More
