Blasted for his recent assertion that “in Iran we don’t have homosexuals like in your country,” Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad attempted to clarify the nature of his comments in a press conference on Tuesday.
“It was a cry for help!” … Read More
I’ll bet back in the day people didn’t pose for portraits; everybody just moved slower.
They say that dead men tell no tales, but old men really pick up the slack for them.
I once saw a magazine that said … Read More
During an emergency meeting on Tuesday, the members of the Berkeley chapter of the Sixties Counter-Cultural Preservation Society announced a hike in the price of unrestrained sexual experimentation.
“It’s to be expected, man,” said red-eyed hippie economist Alfred Thundermoth, nodding … Read More
Congratulations on graduating, and welcome to the exciting world of adulthood. The following reviews are meant to help you, the idiot, choose your future wisely.
Graduate School
Because life doesn’t begin at conception, it begins at 29!
Synopsis: Remember when … Read More
It happens to even the most careful and health-conscious students: you stay up too late studying for your Ornithology midterm, or pass out at Phi Kappa Emu. And the next morning, you wake up with a single unusually large avian … Read More
Popular fashion boutique Urban Outfitters, long known for its trendy line of street-wise clothing, shocked fashion connoisseurs and law enforcement officials alike yesterday when it revealed its intent to stock malt liquor, contraband narcotics, and firearms. “We at Urban Outfitters … Read More
Tragedy struck 225 Wheeler today as the English language was finally pushed to the breaking point.
“It started as just a normal class,” sobbed junior Erica Lavery. “Professor Browning started by discussing the concept of suspension of disbelief with regard … Read More
Stop me if you’ve been in a situation like this: you’re out drinking with your bespectacled buddies, and you notice that hottie at the end of the bar making eyes at you. You return her gaze with a cool smile. … Read More
Okay. Driving. Shit. It’s a lot like going native and building a secret jungle base decorated with human skulls: it requires planning and care.
How can I make you kids understand just what driving is like?
[sits in silence … Read More
The upcoming presidential campaign will change everyone’s perceptions about just what kind of white Christian male we will let lead our country. What kind of questions should we be asking about this new breed of politician?
Candidate: Hillary Clinton… Read More
