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Russia
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The Preston Taylor Penis Enlargement Fund
- 1/25 of the $25,000 Pyramid
- Jews for Muhammad
- Dinner for two at Chez Panisse
- Your mom 500 times
- Campus Crusade for the Antichrist
- Window tinting
- Space Toilet development
- NAMBLA
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Ten People Worse than David Cash
- Satan
- Strohmeyer
- Genghis Khan
- Martha Stewart
- Darryl Strawberry
- Skeletor
- David’s evil brother, Johnny
- Kenneth Starr
- The kid from the Encyclopedia Brittanica Commercials
- Johannes Kepler
Top Ten Worst Things to Say to Your Girlfriend When She Tells You She’s Pregnant
- Monica, now is really not a good time to talk about this.
- Newman!
- Thekid won’t look like you, will he?
- I don’t pay you $20 a hour to hear you bitch about your problems!
- You can drop out of school
Top Ten Things Overheard During a Cal-PIRG Meeting
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Did you shave today, Jenny?
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Hey! I just came up with a sound that we can make that will increase our annoyingness by a factor of ten!
- Seal, I just sat on the baby Christ
- Pass the pipe
- I still
Top Fifteen Little Known Poker Variants
- Fuck your Father in the Shower and Have a Snack
- Shit in the Ocean
- Out the Dealer
- Progressive Five Card Draw, Royal Flush or Better
- One Card Stud
- Make your Inside Straight By Any Means Necessary
- The New Guy Gives
Top Ten Things Learned While Pledging
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They only serve steak and ribs the first week
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The proctologist at the ER is a lot more understanding than one might think
- If it wasn’t for date rape you’d never get laid
- You get used to the smell
- Nat
Koo Can’t Cook
Every evening, the question in my apartment is: What shall we have for din-din? As I get sick and tired of wondering what to scavenge for my daily requirement of protein and fat, I have decided to offer suggestions as … Read More
Top Ten Things That Will Wake You Up at 4:00 a.m.
- A baby in the microwave
- Some guy in your bed with his hand on your breast
- A drunken sorority girl.
- IDS 142, which anyone can easily sleep through at 4PM, but suddenly becomes earth-shatteringly interesting twelve hours later
- Cat dander
Top Ten Stupid Names for Crepe Restaurants
- Netscrepe
- Really Nasty Shit-Flavored Crepes
- Gang Crepe
- The Crepe of Good Hope
- Crepes-A-No-Go
- The Crepes of Wrath
- The Crepe of the Lock
- Crepe Me
- Crepe Fear
- Statutory Crepe
Top Ten Little-Used Hair Care Products
- U.S.S. Nimitz
- 3M HCI
- Bong water
- Dandruff Control Sheep’s Placenta
- Heineken
- Smells like Swamp Ass
- Head and Crotches
- Just for Eunichs
- KY Jelly
- Napalm
