- Linguistics: Using the definite article in front of freeway names
- Entomology: Shit that bugs
- Economics: Managing a sports debt
- Religious Studies: Preaching the Bible like a maniac
- Tabloid Journalism: Writing for the Daily Cal
- Environmental Sciences: How to look like
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Ten Withheld Excerpts From Kenneth Starr’s Report
-
Kenneth Starr was abused as a child
-
Diet Dr. Pepper does taste more like regular Dr. Pepper
- Get high, get stupid, get impeached
- Boris Yeltsin is personally responsible for 5% of the world’s liver transplants
- Alan Greenspan died in 1975
Top Ten Reasons We Think We Beat Nebraska
-
We have electricity
-
They slept with our cheerleaders
- We slept with their cheerleaders
- We didn’t tear down our own goal posts
- BEAR-SNAK
- Cal Band Great!
- We won in spirit by being more ethnically diverse
- Bras are constraining and I hate
Top Ten Causes the ASUC Will Donate $1,000 to Instead of Yolanda Manuel
-
Russia
-
The Preston Taylor Penis Enlargement Fund
- 1/25 of the $25,000 Pyramid
- Jews for Muhammad
- Dinner for two at Chez Panisse
- Your mom 500 times
- Campus Crusade for the Antichrist
- Window tinting
- Space Toilet development
- NAMBLA
Top Ten People Worse than David Cash
- Satan
- Strohmeyer
- Genghis Khan
- Martha Stewart
- Darryl Strawberry
- Skeletor
- David’s evil brother, Johnny
- Kenneth Starr
- The kid from the Encyclopedia Brittanica Commercials
- Johannes Kepler
Top Ten Worst Things to Say to Your Girlfriend When She Tells You She’s Pregnant
- Monica, now is really not a good time to talk about this.
- Newman!
- Thekid won’t look like you, will he?
- I don’t pay you $20 a hour to hear you bitch about your problems!
- You can drop out of school
New Retrofit for International House
In conjunction with a massive earthquake retrofitting job, the university is taking steps to ensure that all dormitory rooms in the International House are suicide proof. “The idea has been hanging around for a year or so,” university spokesman Ronald … Read More
A Few Words from the Top
Putzin’ Around
Most people wait until right before graduation before reflecting upon their college experience. Unfortunately for me, only the evil demons within Sproul Hall and VLSB know when that date will be, and they refuse to tell me. So, in case … Read More
A Peculiar Problem
Nowadays the process of abortion seems simple enough. Barring interference from right-wing extremists who demand that you the let clump of cells in your womb grow into a healthy little welfare leech, getting rid of an unwanted pregnancy is, to … Read More
How to Be a Misanthrope
On the Berkeley campus, it’s hard to be a misanthrope. Everyone is constantly accosting you. It became clear about twelve minutes into my tenure at Berkeley that it was going to be mighty difficult to get people to leave me … Read More
