[A LETTER]
Dearest Students,
Salutations to the Second Freshman Class in the history of the University of California! Welcome to what will surely be the most celebrated university in this Golden State, provided an eccentric railroad baron does not build … Read More
PRESS RELEASE: The girls are back again, again! Made entirely from deleted scenes from Sex and the City 2 deemed “too abhorrent” for audiences, Sex and the City 3 is sure to be a barely coherent pastiche of conspicuous … Read More
Frightened Man : [waking up] What … what’s going on? What is this!?
Saw : This is the game.
FM : Where are my glasses, I can’t see!
Saw : These are the rules. In the … Read More
Gatorade, the greatest sports drink ever drunk, was developed by the University of Florida in order to provide something to say about the University of Florida during lulls in conversation. Since that time, Gatorade has refused to rest on its … Read More
Congratulations on graduating, and welcome to the exciting world of adulthood. The following reviews are meant to help you, the idiot, choose your future wisely.
Graduate School
Because life doesn’t begin at conception, it begins at 29!
Synopsis: Remember when … Read More
Ah yes, Hello Mr. and Mrs. Windham, and welcome to your dream home. What a wonderful surprise visit! We’re just applying the finishing touches, you know, sanding some edges, painting some walls, replacing the roof, all easy stuff… If you … Read More
The sleepy bayside community of Elk Hollow was rocked recently when their local priest, working under the alias of Katherine O’Malley, turned out to be Martin Lawrence in a fat suit. Lawrence took over the parish at Elk Hollow’s Church … Read More
Don’t have a seat, Eric. I’ll get right to the point.
I built this company with my bare hands. I woke up at four AM for 60 years and never once took a vacation. Now I admit, I didn’t come … Read More
The Founders
[Two 5’8″ men stand in the middle of a burned down tire shop, deed in hand]
Sydney : So. Japanese Pop Art meets Sicilian Renaissance with unisex bathrooms?
Viktor : Obvi. Marble from Florence, glass from … Read More
Tragedy struck Berkeley this week when a big rig truck carrying petroleum crashed into a firearms factory that happened to be celebrating Chinese New Year. Over twenty employees were killed instantly by the panoply of explosions that followed, and an … Read More
