Warning : Trying to access array offset on value of type bool in /services/http/users/s/squelch/wp-content/plugins/search-everything/config.php on line 29 top ten | The Heuristic Squelch
Jar of sunshine
Ring of keys, but not those keys
Two consecutive lifetime supplies of chocolate
Funyuns
Chip to wear on your shoulder when you get out
License plate starter kit
Cake w/ emory board
DVD of “Dead Man Walking” … Read More
Wake up at 5pm and realize you missed it all
Find a Frisbee and the closest unshaven girl to play with
Code photo-realistic 3-D sunlight effect in basement of video game company
Tape the day, and save it for later … Read More
Wait…yours or mine?
Coat it with honey to create “Pubic Hair of Bees”
String tiny violins
Walk to Casa Zimbabwe, deposit in shower drain
Put it in a conspicuous place and use it as the basis for a bad pick-up … Read More
Choking the fire-breathing dragon
Polishing the helmet
Rubbing the Franciscan monk’s bald head
Grooming the one-eyed horse
Knighting yourself
Wielding the longsword
Erecting a steeple for the cathedral
Buttering the toast around the Round Table
Draining the moat
Evacuating the … Read More
Dee-lite’s “Groove is in the Heart”
Ben and Jerry’s
Water
Music
Firemen
Dr. Seuss
Twix Bars
Babies
Sunsets
The Princess Bride
… Read More
Mini-Disneyland with mini-California Adventure
It’s a Regulated Market After All
Pirates of Hollywood Avenue
Hall of Incompetent Governors from Reagen to Davis
Sweater Vest Mountain
Bakersfield Klansmen Jamboree
The Disney Store
Japanese Tourist Land
Dotcom Six-story Drop
Juan y Pablo’s … Read More
Only dustbust really dangerous dirt
Turn off heater, begin sleeping in oven
Let Grandpa die with dignity
Only wash car when you have a full load
Shave balls with disposable razor
Unplug yourself, if you’re an appliance or robot
Rapidly … Read More
Teaching a modernist dog new tricks
Eating the bits, but none of the kibbles
Playing alive
Catching frisbees while making self-referential wisecracks about how cliche it is to catch frisbees
Delivering monologues directly to the camera
Letting its own tail … Read More
Trivial Pursuit of Peace
Tetherisraeli
RISK
Hide and Go Sheik
Gaza strip poker
Skipping rocks off Israeli police officers
Capture the flag and then burn it
Hopscotch over your bleeding classmates
Arafat-Barak 1-On-1 Half Court Challenge
Paper, rock, tank
… Read More
Scare people straight
Frown
Stand on the edge of very high objects and yell “I didn’t kill my wife”
Either get busy livin’, or get busy dyin’
Appeal
Behave, get paroled, and then kill again to make up for 25 … Read More
