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Paperback Burner
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I Wanna Seize Your Land
- When I’m 64 Pounds
- Back in the USSR, Where We Lost Half of Our Land Forces
- Yesterday (Allied Forces Seemed So Far Away)
- Strawberry Fields Until the Allies Invade
- With a Little Help
Tag Archives: top ten
Top Ten New Ethnic Clubs on Campus
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Invade me, I’m French
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Frisk my anal cavity for drugs, I’m Colombian
- Devalue my currency, I’m Japanese
- Kindly remove the war hammer I’ve embedded in your spine, I’m Mongolian
- Give me your fucking land, I’m American
- Help me to clean
Top Ten Ways to Disguise an Erection
- Penis Protection Program
- In a t-shirt that reads “This is not an erection”
- Give it a mustache and overcoat
- Cast it alongside mega-hunk Mel Gibson
- Drill a hole through the back of your backpack and hold in front of you
Top Ten Ways to Conserve Energy
- Only dustbust really dangerous dirt
- Turn off heater, begin sleeping in oven
- Let Grandpa die with dignity
- Only wash car when you have a full load
- Shave balls with disposable razor
- Unplug yourself, if you’re an appliance or robot
- Rapidly
Top Ten Things A Hyperintelligent Cat Would Do If He Got His Paws On An Old Vinyl Record
- Try in vain to do anything whatsoever, batting it hopelessly with his tiny paws, while his patronizing human masters fawn over him.
- Sell it; buy tuna fish with profits
- Break it in half, because he knows karate
- Poop on it
Top Ten Places to Have Sex on Campus
- Above me
- In the GBC, for only two swipes
- Cloyne Court, if you’ve got herpes
- In Chancellor’s jowls
- In the butt
- QC174.45.M444 – QC654.14.T373
- In Hoku Jeffrey’s hair
- Wherever she passes out
- 122 Wheeler (wink, wink)
- Underneath me
Top Three American Restaurants in Mexico
- French Fry
- One More!
- Fabulous!
Top Ten Reasons to Pick Billy Last for Dodgeball
- Billy is 4 feet wide and half as tall
- Billy is comprised of superdense matter which causes him to have a strong gravitational pull, thus giving him an inherent dodgeball disadvantage
- Color of his skin
- You saw Billy take a
Top Ten Things To Pan
- Top Ten Things To
- Frederick Cho
- Ja
- Oramic camera
- Cho villa
- Fried Chicken
- Teflon
- Da
- Peter
- Gold nuggets
Top Ten Innovations due to US-Russia Cooperation
- Tsar Search
- Joseph Stalin riding a flying poodle
- Mickey Mouse, but crying
- The Fox Trotsky
- Iron Eagle VI
- Compassionate Totalitarianism
- Dr. Zhivago’s Top Five R&B Video Countdown
- The Two-Party System in which, somehow, the same guy wins every time
- Palestine’s
