- “You’re just a frizzy haired white woman making a comfortable wage, what are you gonna do about it?
- “If by ‘floss’ you mean ‘masturbate,’ then yes.”
- “No, but you can keep what you find.”
- “What do you think these birds
… Read More
- Jar of sunshine
- Ring of keys, but not those keys
- Two consecutive lifetime supplies of chocolate
- Funyuns
- Chip to wear on your shoulder when you get out
- License plate starter kit
- Cake w/ emory board
- DVD of “Dead Man Walking”
… Read More
- Wake up at 5pm and realize you missed it all
- Find a Frisbee and the closest unshaven girl to play with
- Code photo-realistic 3-D sunlight effect in basement of video game company
- Tape the day, and save it for later
… Read More
- Wait…yours or mine?
- Coat it with honey to create “Pubic Hair of Bees”
- String tiny violins
- Walk to Casa Zimbabwe, deposit in shower drain
- Put it in a conspicuous place and use it as the basis for a bad pick-up
… Read More
- Choking the fire-breathing dragon
- Polishing the helmet
- Rubbing the Franciscan monk’s bald head
- Grooming the one-eyed horse
- Knighting yourself
- Wielding the longsword
- Erecting a steeple for the cathedral
- Buttering the toast around the Round Table
- Draining the moat
- Evacuating the
… Read More
- Dee-lite’s “Groove is in the Heart”
- Ben and Jerry’s
- Water
- Music
- Firemen
- Dr. Seuss
- Twix Bars
- Babies
- Sunsets
- The Princess Bride
… Read More
- Mini-Disneyland with mini-California Adventure
- It’s a Regulated Market After All
- Pirates of Hollywood Avenue
- Hall of Incompetent Governors from Reagen to Davis
- Sweater Vest Mountain
- Bakersfield Klansmen Jamboree
- The Disney Store
- Japanese Tourist Land
- Dotcom Six-story Drop
- Juan y Pablo’s
… Read More
- Long after you’ve gotten the shit off your hand, you’ll still always remember it as the shitty hand
- You didn’t even have hands in the first place so now the shits on your arm
- Clapping is pretty much a non-option
… Read More
- Teaching a modernist dog new tricks
- Eating the bits, but none of the kibbles
- Playing alive
- Catching frisbees while making self-referential wisecracks about how cliche it is to catch frisbees
- Delivering monologues directly to the camera
- Letting its own tail
… Read More
- Trivial Pursuit of Peace
- Tetherisraeli
- RISK
- Hide and Go Sheik
- Gaza strip poker
- Skipping rocks off Israeli police officers
- Capture the flag and then burn it
- Hopscotch over your bleeding classmates
- Arafat-Barak 1-On-1 Half Court Challenge
- Paper, rock, tank
… Read More
