- Mardi Gras
- Where in Time is Carmen Sandiego?
- Be all you can be
- Ask your parole officer for advice
- Based itinerary on Oscar-nominated films; only saw Hotel Rwanda
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- Please, please, like me again
- It’s your fault you got raped, and how to deal with it
- A guide to surprise sex
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- Stools Rush In
- Poop fiction
- Jackie Brown
- Cool Runnings
- The Diarrhea of Anne Frank
- Forrest Dump
- Duck Poop
- Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
- Shit Happened One Night
- Shitizen Kane
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- A male wookie
- Robin Williams
- Three ewoks standing on each other’s shoulders
- Shag carpeting
- A throw rug
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- Just tell the little fucker to Google it
- Additional instruction on removing your spiky shoulder pads and unitard
- Exactly as you would do it today, BUT YOU’RE IN THE MATRIX
- What, you’re telling me you don’t know how to use
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- He takes notes when the handicapped students are talking
- Forty year old in the front row still talks too much, but about keeping his thumbs
- Pete Rose is scheduled to be a guest lecturer
- Office hours held in bar at
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- Three words: location, location, it’s a crackhouse
- I don’t know, ask one of the other 19 illegal immigrants
- In the co-op, you’re your own landlord! And maid! And drug dealer! And fuck, this place is a shithole.
- The rat carcasses
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- Never admit you’re wrong, and be immortal
- Use obscure phrases to hoist them by their own petard
- Successfully throw three bean bags through clown’s mouth at Rhetorical Carnival
- Make jazz hands until your opponent
is dazzled
- Liberal use of American
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- Sniff it
- Wish for more wishes
- Aw man, this one’s licorice
- Heal a man’s broken arm by signing
- Donate to low-income magic kindergarten
- Draw animated blinking penis on passed-out roommate’s face
- Accidentally leave cap off, dry up all the magic
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- Smoking a cigarette after nothing
- Picnic in Lonely People’s Park
- Half a Luther Vandross album
- Seeing Sartre’s No Exit
- Dinner plus silent film for silent evening
- Candlelit masturbation
- You and me and the bottle minus you plus another bottle makes
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