In response to recent allegations concerning the sources of an already-dwindling food supply, the Soylent Corporation has released a statement refuting “the heinous claims besmirching our fine and delicious product.”
At the center of the controversy is Soylent Green, the … Read More
No longer content to just have better access to your personal information than you do, Google is stepping up research into new ways to invade your privacy. The research’s main focus is invading the privacy of your own home.… Read More
In a move described by commentators as “moronic” and “unbelievably short-sighted”, the Gotham City Zoning Board yesterday approved plans for “Punchinello”, a new nightclub with an incredibly ill-conceived clown motif. Construction is to begin next month, defying the very … Read More
Wacky, Sass-Talking Animals, the latest computer-animated children’s film about wacky, sass-talking animals, was a big disappointment at the box office, and the studio knows exactly what went wrong: a lack of advertisements on cereal boxes.
“It was … Read More
Since moving into your fraternity house in late August, you have spent every other night playing beer pong. Unfortunately, due to various factors, including your alleged summer-long abstinence from alcohol, your tolerance for Natty Ice has largely deteriorated. Coupled with … Read More
In an effort to challenge the University’s strict response to tree-sitters, protesters have recently announced plans to start a tree-sitter sit.
“First the University wanted to remove trees, so we had to protest by sitting in trees. Now the University … Read More
According to a joint statement issued by the USDA Forest Service and the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, a new virus called Sudden Oak Death is on the rise in the human community. The disease, originating from Western Oak … Read More
KENYA—After months of political unrest and violence due to the contested re-election of incumbent President Mwai Kibaki in the 2008 race against Raila Odinga, the people of Kenya have elected popular College Humor video “Power Thirst” as their president. Though … Read More
Like many young people these days, John Farndale, 16, loves the culture of the 1980s. But he and his friends have found a new way to express their nostalgia: selling weapons to violent, fundamentalist Islamic militias. “The ‘80s were just … Read More
Local woman Ellen Perry found her religious life shattered last Saturday after it was revealed to her by Jesus Christ that the personal relationship she had developed with Him was shared with almost 1.5 billion other people. Initially, Ms. Perry … Read More
