Kenya Elects “Power Thirst” New President

KENYA—After months of political unrest and violence due to the contested re-election of incumbent President Mwai Kibaki in the 2008 race against Raila Odinga, the people of Kenya have elected popular College Humor video “Power Thirst” as their president. Though Power Thirst has absolutely no experience in any kind of government office, it does have “more energy than your body has room for.”

Some political analysts have cited Power Thirst’s inspirational message of gaining strength from delicious flavors like Rawberry, Manana, and Fizzbitch as the reason for its unexpected win. Others attribute the victory to the fact that Power Thirst consumers sired half of the Kenyan population; these running babies then utilized their gratuitous amounts of energy to sprint to voting booths and bearblast their fathers’ energy drink of choice into power.

Contenders Odinga and Kibaki cited Power Thirst’s history of hosting sweaty rave parties and being crystal meth as reasons to impeach it, but were soon punched in the face by Power Thirst’s vice president, a jet fighter made of biceps.

When asked for comment, Power Thirst thrusted.