No longer content to just have better access to your personal information than you do, Google is stepping up research into new ways to invade your privacy. The research’s main focus is invading the privacy of your own home.
“It’s really one of the few privacy barriers we have left to break,” says Google engineer Matt Johnson. “That’s why we’re releasing a new program: Google Theft!” Users of Google Theft will have their homes broken into by four burly men with the intention of taking everything in sight. The program is only in beta testing right now, but testers are already giving glowing reviews.
“I love Google Theft! My search results have never been better,” said one anonymous tester after having his blood type forcibly tested as per the request of another anonymous Google user.
When questioned about the Constitutionality of such privacy violations, Google co-founder Larry Page responded, “Nowhere does it say in the constitution that we can’t do this.” When made aware of the fourth amendment, Page changed all of the results for “4th amendment US constitution” to awkward-looking child pornography.
Despite their many technological and legal triumphs, Google employees remain humble. They cite Google Theft’s greatest accomplishment as “headquarters never before having nicer furniture or televisions.”
