In a move described by commentators as “moronic” and “unbelievably short-sighted”, the Gotham City Zoning Board yesterday approved plans for “Punchinello”, a new nightclub with an incredibly ill-conceived clown motif. Construction is to begin next month, defying the very rudiments of human logic.
“This is going to be great!” said club founder and fucking idiot Charles Cassidy after the hearing. “We’ll decorate it like an old Italian villa, have clown masks and pictures on the walls, and I think I can get some commedia del’arte costumes from that theater company downtown that closed after those mysterious deaths. Even the employees will wear clown masks, so no one will know who they are! I just know it’s going to be a big hit with promising young people with their whole lives ahead of them.”
Cassidy’s remarks were received with stunned silence and some scattered weeping.
The plan was strenuously objected to, particularly by Police Commissioner Gordon. “This plan is riddled with – I mean, full of flaws,” the Commissioner insisted. “It will be too noisy for its residential neighborhood, it backs right onto Crime Alley, and there are far too few emergency exits and poison-gas vents. It’s a disaster waiting to happen.”
Cassidy waved off the Commissioner’s criticisms, as well as his listing of the closure and/or destruction of every single Gotham business related to clowns, jokes, riddles, cats, plants, the number two, Greek mythology, ice, and giant replicas of everyday objects. “He’s a cop, he sees crime everywhere,” Cassidy said with confidence. “Just watch, soon everyone in Gotham City will associate a grinning clown with relaxation and good times.”