In an effort to challenge the University’s strict response to tree-sitters, protesters have recently announced plans to start a tree-sitter sit.
“First the University wanted to remove trees, so we had to protest by sitting in trees. Now the University wants to remove tree-sitters, so we have to protest by sitting on the tree-sitters already in the trees. It’s the next logical progression,” said Save The Oaks organizer Robert Larson, struggling to balance atop a fat man.
“We are doing everything we can to ensure the safety of these stupid, stupid protestors,” stated Chancellor Robert Birgeneau. He then sighed and quit his job.
Legal expert Sheila Maloney offered an analysis of the change in tactics. “According to this poli sci course that I am currently taking, the University only owns the trees. It doesn’t own the tree-sitters in those trees. As long as the tree-sitter sitters only sit on tree-sitters, there doesn’t appear to be anything the University can do.”
“Trees trees trees,” she added.
