Inspired by the success of its nonsensical “It doesn?t taste like apples” Apple Jacks ad campaign, the Kelloggs Marketing Division has announced the release of a brand new cereal which will be pushed by a similar campaign. The new cereal … Read More
Tag Archives: newsflash
Conversation with Homeless Guy Mildly Unsettling
College students Chuck Chichester and Delilah Wright glanced uneasily at each other Friday as their attempt to engage a homeless man in a friendly verbal exchange developed into a full-blown social interaction which threatened to spiral totally out of their … Read More
Nightlife Environmentally Safe
Clubber Hugo Siriani disturbed patrons of a southern Florida dance club last week when he entered a club wearing vinyl pants and a fishnet shirt. Siriani had been spotted throughout the week sporting the revealing white fishnet shirt over his … Read More
BAM Hosts Georgia O’Keeffe Exhibit
The Berkeley Art Museum hosted an exhibit by famed floral painter Georgia O’Keeffe, much to the delight of many patrons.
“It was amazing,” said musem goer Lance McCrory. “Her work is so realistic. I felt like I was walking through … Read More
World Wars “Always Planned as Trilogy”
According to Internet fansites, the U.S. is reportedly in talks with the U.N. trying to generate interest in a third installment of the popular “World War” franchise. “World War I and World War II were far and away the best … Read More
Chandra Levy Status Upgraded from “Missing” to “So Dead Already”
Investigators this week officially called off all efforts in the investigation of missing intern Chandra Levy, declaring, “Come on, she’s so dead already. What are we going to find anyway? I’m sure she rotted away months ago, assuming she’s even … Read More
Protestors Frustrated by Police Civility
A large group of organized protestors who had blocked access to a major campus building yesterday found themselves all but ignored by friendly UC police officers. The protest continued well into the night, until protestors got kind of bored, decided … Read More
“Productive” Weekend Actually Weekend of Video Games, Porn
Despite a repeatedly stated intention to use the upcoming weekend to “catch up on reading and finally clean up around the apartment,” Berkeley student Edward Linney in fact spent the majority of the weekend playing Tokyo Extreme Racer on his … Read More
“High Quality” Apparently Means “For Fucking Ever to Dry Taking”
Flummoxed laundromat patron Wilson Davis has observed that when a designer label boasts its socks as being “High-Quality,” what they really mean is “These Socks Will Take For Fucking Ever To Dry.”
“Look at these,” extolled Davis as he held … Read More
Telemarketer Disturbed by Strange Acronyms
A prospective customer thoroughly disturbed telemarketer Lester Martin of Discover Credit Cards with his unsettling acronyms. Lester, who cordially greeted the customer, made friendly banter and eventually convinced the man to apply for a Platinum Discover card with complimentary T-shirt.… Read More
