Inspired by the success of its nonsensical “It doesn?t taste like apples” Apple Jacks ad campaign, the Kelloggs Marketing Division has announced the release of a brand new cereal which will be pushed by a similar campaign. The new cereal is called “Turd Jacks.”
“With Apple Jacks, we named it after something that tastes good, and made it taste like something else,” explained Kelloggs spokesperson Anthony Bengal. “So we figured, if we can do the same thing with something that tastes bad, you know, like turds, people will be even more likely to buy it.”
When asked if he thought parents might be reluctant to buy their children feces-themed food, Bengal noted that “Little boys like the poo,” and expressed confidence that sufficient whining, public tantrums, and other aggressive behavior would be enough to bring around even the most stubborn parents. Failing that, Bengal also noted that poo seems to be popular among college-aged males, at least in joke form.
The press conference held by Kelloggs ended with the big question: “What does Turd Jacks taste like?” A coy Bengal replied, “Well, I’ll tell you one thing. It doesn’t taste like turds!” Bengal was then heard whispering “It actually kinda does,” to a nearby associate.