Berkeley pastry chef and part time quantum scientist Jeff Gable recently completed a new super-powered super weapon which he plans to use either for good, or to make fluffier, more golden brown cr+A?me brulees.
“I have always been interested in … Read More
Antarctica’s population grew by one yesterday when local resident Superman purchased a hamster in order to alleviate the crippling loneliness of living in an ice cave at the South Pole. Along with cage, wheel, and hamster ball, the icy Fortress … Read More
At 7:00 PM exactly, Berkeley student Amy Delacruz was walking down Telegraph Avenue when she narrowly missed being incinerated by an orbiting satellite. She was saved by local street person Amos Terwuggen, who was nearby and dove on her just … Read More
The Women’s Sexuality De-Cal class was deeply embarrassed last weekend when its Mother walked in on them, unaware.
The class, both famed and controversial for its explicit exploration of female sexual topics, was in the middle of a hot and … Read More
In a serene forest located astride a majestic mountain range, a mighty elm was felled with nary a man in sight. However, the elm fell atop a conspicuously-placed airhorn, providing answers to many a timeless Buddhist koan.
A Zen Buddhist … Read More
Haas graduate student Matt Clark, 24, has failed in his recent efforts to find a prostitute with a heart of gold. “I’ve always been a bit of a workaholic, so naturally I thought a streetwise prostitute with an independent spirit … Read More
Local man Ray Conners discovered that gay people are amusing after watching last night’s episode of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Conners, an open-minded heterosexual man, was allegedly charmed by the five main characters’ sassy dialogue and classy yet … Read More
Los Angeles Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant announced Wednesday in a news conference that he will donate part of his gigantic ego to charity.
During the conference, a teary-eyed Bryant said, “I’m one of the greatest basketball players of all time, … Read More
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As the glowing oscillations continually replicated the soft curves of feminine essence in a gently perverted light show, Peterson was moved to epiphany. “When that beautiful gorge repeatedly poured out into infinity in front of me, I … Read More
Student government politics were thrown into further turmoil last week when it was revealed that the ASUC earmarked ten dollars in student fees to oppose Proposition 53. The announcement was made by Graduate Assembly President Jessica Zack Quindel.
“We’ve already … Read More
