The continued life of Stewart Albey, 86, remains a source of huge frustration to his protege, Scott Toler, say sources.

Albey, a retired journalist, continues to live despite using his wit and wisdom to turn around the life of Toler, … Read More

American Studies majors from across the country gathered in DC yesterday to argue for the US to “liberate Cancun.”

“With Cancun in the US we could do so much studying,” said Junior Mark Chard, “I can just see myself on … Read More

Officials close to President Bush report that his closest advisor, a mystical Ouija Board, has once again pointed to Yes. This is reportedly the 39th straight time the Ouija Board has pointed to Yes.

“Oh, oh, I think it’s going … Read More

English GSI Kristine Broughton decided to hold class outside on the grass yesterday, betraying a complete lack of basic knowledge about meterology, human physiology, women’s studies, and plant biology.

‘It’s such a nice day out,’ Broughton reportedly said, ‘lets do … Read More

ASUC President Kris Cuaresma-Primm announced yesterday his intention to resign– in order to devote more time to fighting with cops.

“I increasingly find that being President interviews with my true love– brawling with four, five policemen at a time. When … Read More