Officials close to President Bush report that his closest advisor, a mystical Ouija Board, has once again pointed to Yes. This is reportedly the 39th straight time the Ouija Board has pointed to Yes.
“Oh, oh, I think it’s going … Read More
Tag Archives: Kevin Deenihan
The Gameplan
Okay, gentlemen. And ladies. And Stevina. Team huddle. We all know what our objective is and what we’ll need to do to meet it. Turn your attention to the diagram on the board, and put on your 3-D glasses. I … Read More
Mentor Remains Alive
The continued life of Stewart Albey, 86, remains a source of huge frustration to his protege, Scott Toler, say sources.
Albey, a retired journalist, continues to live despite using his wit and wisdom to turn around the life of Toler, … Read More
The Day after I Graduate
A Voyage into Adulthood
The day after I graduate is a time of rebirth, a time to lock away my childhood-to-young-adult years in the safe deposit box of memory and to open the checking account of adulthood. Here is how that day will go:… Read More
Class Held Outside
English GSI Kristine Broughton decided to hold class outside on the grass yesterday, betraying a complete lack of basic knowledge about meterology, human physiology, women’s studies, and plant biology.
‘It’s such a nice day out,’ Broughton reportedly said, ‘lets do … Read More
ASUC President Primm Resigns After Arrest
ASUC President Kris Cuaresma-Primm announced yesterday his intention to resign– in order to devote more time to fighting with cops.
“I increasingly find that being President interviews with my true love– brawling with four, five policemen at a time. When … Read More
King of Berkeley
Reasons I should be your Ruler:
Divine Right
GOD: Kevin, you rule.
KEVIN: I rule? Wow, I rule the town! I am the King! Thanks, God.
GOD: No, no. That wasn’t in the imperative form. I used it in an … Read More
God, Middle School Teacher
Coach God
Teammates: Job, Coach God has kept you on the bench all year! You’re never going to get to play!
Job: Hey, I have faith in Coach God. He’ll play me if I keep faith.
GOD: JOB.
Job: [Excited] … Read More
Mall Detective
The sun crept into my office like a 550 pound man with no legs. It crawled upward on my Gin bottle GAA Winner’s Cup, because I’m a real Winner–and slowly stopped on my eyes. Behind the eyelids two dozen maraca … Read More
EECS Soccer!
None of us intended to be in the EECS Intermural Soccer Championships. Our only plan was to play a little soccer, lose, then make ironic and funny comments about losing using Monty Python and Comedy Central quotes. Well, Johnny Eighth-floor … Read More
