The Future: even in our scientifically advanced society, it is still a daunting prospect. As we enter the 21st century (and I refuse to believe it will be via a bridge, especially not one built by some pasty Arkansas cracker … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Pimps are from Mars, Hos are from Venus
Ever wonder about other people? Do you have a lot of questions about that guy standing over there? Or maybe that girl – you know, the one with the nose? We pretty much have all the answers, but we don’t … Read More
Letters to the Editors
Dear Squelch Staff,
I am outraged at the way you make fun of Chelsea Clinton based only her outward appearance. Just because she looks like an orangutan walking backwards doesn’t mean that you have to make fun of her. If … Read More
A Phylogenic Analysis of Cheerios
I. Introduction
In recent years, biologists have been stunned by the explosive radiation of forms of the popular breakfast cereal, Cheerios. The sudden arrival of new varieties has offered strong support for a punctuated equilibrium model of breakfast cereal evolution. … Read More
Why Is That Guy Licking His Shoulder?
Berkeley has a well deserved reputation for being a city of lunatics. Hell, Telegraph is one of the only streets in the world where you can see two naked women performing an impromptu didgeridoo concert. While I’ll admit that there … Read More
Why We Should Just All Be Gay
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”
– Genesis 2:22-23
Times have … Read More
A Few Words from the Top
I like the English language. I really do. It’s nice to not have to worry about umlauts, or having the letters “c” and “z” right next to each other, or making phlegmy sounds like you’re about to do an impression … Read More
Residence Hall Staff Ineptitude Test
Do you have the apathy and general lack of substance it takes to be a
member of the residence hall staff? If you think you may be unqualified enough,
test your uselessness with the…
(psst! look back at the title!)… Read More
A Broad Abroad
So I was watching a dubbed Scott Baio movie when it occurred to me, “Hey, I’m in Spain.” I can see Scott Baio’s appeal in this country. He’s a true stud of the Mediterranean variety: he’s got the tight jeans … Read More
The Wonderful World Of Nintendo
While wandering the Net on my brand new computer, I found what must be the next savage attempt to sabatoge my GPA and ruin my already crappy social life: Nintendo Emulation. By running a program such as Nesticle (don’t even … Read More
