We at the Squelch have received numerous complaints that last issue’s sorority girl jokes were raunchy and untrue, and merely accused them of being sluts. As part of a Squelch-wide move toward better investigative reporting, the editorial staff went out … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
It’s A Small World, After All…
Last October, on the heels of a controversial $2 billion deal between French Total Oil Group and an internationally embargoed Iran, French Prime Minister Lionel Jospin responded to U.S. Protests by stating, “Nobody accepts that the U.S. can pass a … Read More
Letters to the Editors
Dear Squelch Staff,
I am outraged at the way you make fun of Chelsea Clinton based only her outward appearance. Just because she looks like an orangutan walking backwards doesn’t mean that you have to make fun of her. If … Read More
A Phylogenic Analysis of Cheerios
I. Introduction
In recent years, biologists have been stunned by the explosive radiation of forms of the popular breakfast cereal, Cheerios. The sudden arrival of new varieties has offered strong support for a punctuated equilibrium model of breakfast cereal evolution. … Read More
Prop 209 Warfare
Very recently, a group of young gents and ladies established a human barricade at Sather Gate. Linked together at the arms and legs and standing back to back (much resembling a phospholipid bilayer), they cut off two of the three … Read More
Living in a Nuclear Filled Zone
Envision a garbage dump at about 2 p.m. It’s 105 degrees. Tsetse flies buzz around your ear. Rotting bananas ooze green filth to the right and to your left a dead cat writhes with maggots. If you look straight ahead … Read More
My Dream, or Death of a Vocalist
I had the dream again. Not the pounded yam dream; the other one. In the dream I a member of the Men’s Octet. I am good looking, funny, and the highlight of campus life from 1:00-2:00 once a week. Everyone … Read More
Bad, Bad Frat Boy Brown
Sort of sung to the tune of Bad, Bad Leroy Brown
The following is not directed towards any particular fraternity (Sig-Ep). Frat Boy Brown depicts a certain type of person who is usually a member of some fraternity (Sig-Ep). I’ve encountered this type of person many a Thursday and Friday night … Read More
Psychic Big Game Predictions
So I hear a bunch of you cheapshits refuse to shell out the dough to see the Big Game this year. Maybe you don’t want to watch huge fleshy men in spandex pile on top of each other. No one … Read More
Ode to Stanfurd
There once was a student
Who went to ‘The Farm,’
A grievous decision
That caused him great harm.
In high school, you see,
This student was fine
‘Till goin to Stanford
Verschnickered his mind.
The first day of school
He … Read More
