If you’ve never seen the tower on Carleton and Shattuck, then you might as well skip this little article. If you have seen this little monstrosity, then you have witnessed the city of Berkeley’s greatest mystery. Greater than Dwindle. Greater … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
A Final Word from the Top
Amidst a hundred candidates, waving their large placards and thrusting sheets of meaningless paper into the unwilling hands of the students of this campus, there stood a dedicated bunch. Parking themselves 30 or 40 feet in front of Sather Gate, … Read More
Short Conversations
“Have you seen ‘Titanic’?”
“Every day in the shower, baby.”
“I don’t like toast.”
“What do you mean, you don’t like toast? What are you. a communist?”
“What class is your midterm in?”
“Ummm….”
“How was last night?”
“I touched … Read More
Squelchboy Interview: Jesus Christ
A rare chance to gain insight into the mind of a diety, the Lord expounds on the Easter Bunny, the Pope and gerbils
Three days after his crucifixion on April 10, 0033, Jesus H. Christ rose to heaven, making himself into an instant celebrity and the inspiration for several cult followings. It is a lesser known fact that after this untimely departure, Jesus … Read More
That Darn Gato
A beginner’s guide to award-winning gringo cats
With Cinco de Mayo rapidly approaching, elderly individuals across the nation are feverishly gearing their favorite kitties up for the big fiesta. However, every year these senseless, crackpot old-timers tend to go a little overboard with their kitty garnishings, each … Read More
Letters to the Editors
Dear Squelch,
… Read MoreWhat the fuck is with you dorks?!? Why do you keep writing shit about my house, Sig-Phi-Ep? You better watch out or one of these days we’re gonna have to get wasted and kick your puny little asses!!!
Let’s make Iraq a State
Manifest Destiny III
In light of the controversy over recent developments in Iraq, not to mention controversy over recent “developments” in President Clinton’s pants, it has become increasingly obvious that the solution to the continuing Gulf Crisis will not be an easy one. … Read More
A Few Parting Words from the Top of the Bottom
As I approach the end of my college career, I’ve managed to achieve a certain sense of clarity. I don’t know why, exactly. I’d like to think that it’s because I’m maturing and learning as I age. I’d like to … Read More
Under the Bridge
An Electrical Engineering and Computer Science Major’s Epiphany
(More or less sung to the tune of Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers)
Sometimes I feel like I hate my lab partners.
Sometimes I feel like my only friend
Is the city I live in, the … Read More
Diary of an Average Joe at Haas
Hey! That’s not the title I wrote. Damm editor! And my name is David. How could you forget my name? I gave you the best years of my life. Don’t tell me you have forgotten Paris, that cafe, and that … Read More
