Tired of inaccurate horoscopes? Most astrologers lack the soft funds necessary to truly get in touch with the stars and their many powers. That’s why the Astrology Team here at teen Squelch has collaborated with several wealthy and influential corporations … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Reach Out and Jerk Me Off
Welcome to Cell Phone Users Anonymous. My name’s Patrick, and I bought a cell phone.
Like others here, I told myself that it would never happen to me. Cell phones are for SUV-driving, iMac-using, pretentious yuppie fucks, and I’d sooner … Read More
Viewpoints
Is it important for girls to attend college?
“Only until they find a husband.”
Eunice Tate
Widow
New Haven, CT
“Access to education increases tolerance for people of all races, genders, and lifestyles, and helps society ferret out offensive stereotypes like myself. Therefore, in the interest of the … Read More
Buster, Get in the Tub
The year 2000 is approaching. And I’ve realized a few things: 1) I need to start looking for a party now if I don’t want to end up at home. 2) I most likely won’t find a party and I’ll … Read More
I’m Really Cool in Private
Attractive girl #l: What the hell is Fred all about? He’s such a enigmatic and fascinating character.
Attractive girl #2: I just wish I could talk to him more, after I’m done talking to him and he’s not there anymore.… Read More
Words from the Top
Damn You, Jimmy Carter
Many people enjoy putting nuts into their mouths. If I did it, it would kill me. I, like an increasing number of Americans and people from other important countries, am deathly allergic to peanuts. While most non-peanut allergics consider this … Read More
Walker
Bearded Ranger
On a recent lonely Saturday night, I found myself watching an episode of CBS’s prime-time action-drama, “Walker: Texas Ranger.” As I watched Chuck Norris use his feet of fury to preserve liberty and justice for white Texans, I was struck … Read More
Short Conversations
“In high school, my teacher got mad; at me for writing a limerick about: Camus’ The Stranger on my desk.”
“Did you shoot her in the face?”
Student: “Mr. Habibi, as former president of Indonesia, how do you see Indonesia’s … Read More
God & Football
I was in my room reading The Enquirer today-yeah, you heard me, wanna make somethin’ of it?-and I came upon a startling article that Mickey Spillane, author of the best-selling Mike Hammer books, is now a Jehovah’s Witness. Apparently, rather … Read More
A Look Back… to the Future
Do you feel left out of the millennium madness? Not quite sure how the world is going to end? Well, I’ve compiled all the prophecies you’ll ever need for the year 2000. (But not for you Jews. You had your … Read More
