Popular crimes in Caveman Times generally involved the use of a club and/or the theft of a mate. Punishment for crimes in Caveman Times generally involved the same. One notable exception was Grk’s landmark conviction for patent infringement … Read More
Heuristic Squelch: So, Mr. Gumball Machine. How long have you been here?
Gumball Machine: Please call me Gumball Machine. Well, I’ve been around for over 15 years. I used to be over there, right by the entrance. But over the … Read More
Studies have actually shown that, while the low body temperatures usually experienced when caught in the rain can reduce the effectiveness of your immune system, … Read More
There comes a time in the life of every young magazine when that magazine must learn to grow and change, when that magazine must embark upon certain rites of passage. You may have noticed certain … changes in the Squelch … Read More
The First Day of School > Teacher: Yi?
… Read MoreYi: Here!
Teacher: Chang?
Chang: Here!
Teacher: Tikki tikki tembo-no sa rembo-chari bari ruchi-pip peri pembo?
Tikki: Um, I go by Tikki, thanks. The Answering Machine > Mark: Ready to record our
Man: Excuse me sir? [He is ignored.]
Man: Excuse me? Sir? Sir?
John Cleese: AAAGH!
Man: AGH!
John Cleese: Right, right. What can I do for you then?
Man: Yes, well, I was wondering if I could buy a box … Read More
Throughout my young life, I have been confused while reading the sports sections of many newspapers and periodicals. I get confused a lot, but in this case, it’s different. Cross-country is not a sport and should no longer be recognized … Read More
How many of us–when dying–convulse with thoughts such as “I wish my life wasn’t ending with me staring helplessly at my wife’s 78 year old ass”? Consider all the unfortunate souls suffering heart attacks or sudden losses of soul while … Read More
First off, kudos for returning Sex on Tuesday to its former dirty self, a column which at its best makes you feel like you should shower after reading it, and even on an off day still makes you want to … Read More
“Pardon me. Is this the Disneyland help desk?”
“Yes. Can I help you?”
“Yeah … I’m looking for my friend. She’s supposed to meet me here. Has anyone come here asking for me?”
“No.”
“I haven’t even told you my … Read More
