10:10pm. I was bored, so I left Apartment DISH and walked down Telegraph in search of cheap food. Outside Rasputin, slamming himself chest-first into the store window, was a homeless guy carrying a 6′ wide sign. I walked by, to … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Stinky Friday
God be praised. This week my twelve-year love affair with underarm deodorant came perilously close to dissolving forever. Fortunately for myself and anyone who will ever come within a fourteen-foot radius of my being, I was saved by the irresistible … Read More
Confessions of the Colorblind
Though it affects millions of Americans, colorblindness is given short shrift by the mainstream “differently-abled” population. As many of you surely don’t know, colorblindness is a recessive trait that is much more common in men, though women can suffer from … Read More
Why Cross-Country Is Not a Sport
Throughout my young life, I have been confused while reading the sports sections of many newspapers and periodicals. I get confused a lot, but in this case, it’s different. Cross-country is not a sport and should no longer be recognized … Read More
How to Die
How many of us–when dying–convulse with thoughts such as “I wish my life wasn’t ending with me staring helplessly at my wife’s 78 year old ass”? Consider all the unfortunate souls suffering heart attacks or sudden losses of soul while … Read More
To: sex@dailycal.org
Dear Rachael Klein,
First off, kudos for returning Sex on Tuesday to its former dirty self, a column which at its best makes you feel like you should shower after reading it, and even on an off day still makes you want to … Read More
The Happiest Day on Earth in the Happiest Place on Earth
“Pardon me. Is this the Disneyland help desk?”
“Yes. Can I help you?”
“Yeah … I’m looking for my friend. She’s supposed to meet me here. Has anyone come here asking for me?”
“No.”
“I haven’t even told you my … Read More
My Secret Romance With Stephen Hawking
My leg trembled as I neared the summit of the ramp. This was the culmination of months of awkward conversations, stale pickup lines, and decreasingly subtle hints. I didn’t want to become just another “personal assistant” like all the rest. … Read More
Bizarro Jesus Christ
Bizarro Jesus Christ first became known to the world at large around the year 4 B.B.C. (Before Bizarro Christ). To some, He was merely a freak of nature, the product of a futuristic duplicator built by evil genius Pontius Pilate. … Read More
Hair Down Where?
As I took a shower this morning and began washing under my arms, I regarded my armpit hair in a way that I had not done when I was an eight year-old. This is because I did not have any … Read More
