Look, I’m sure you don’t need a whole lot of convincing. We all
know English is the linguistic top dog (not to be confused with the Linguica
Top Dog). But just in case there’s any confusion, here’s how English
stacks … Read More
Tag Archives: feature
Virginia
Land of Dreams
Prologue:
The sun was barely peeking over our rugged eastern foothills when I left
this fair state, bound for a land where the lush green countryside collides
with the glimmering ocean and the bourbon flows like wine. That land is Words from the Top
It’s All Downhill From Here
No matter how much effusive praise gets heaped upon the staff of the Squelch, there remains an contingent of pessimistic naysayers whose critique of our latest issue inevitably consists of a disparaging shrug and the phrase “It’s not as funny … Read More
My Cell Phone is Cooler Than You
So you think you’re pretty chic with your nicely pressed shirt, cyclopto-strapped backpack and Supercut. You’ve got your friends, your style, your “popularity.” But let me let you in on a little secret, my friend: my cell phone is cooler … Read More
Punctuation Guide
One exclamation point indicates seriousness, excitement, and urgency. Two exclamation points indicate sarcastic seriousness, mock excitement, or an ironic lack of urgency. Use three exclamation points and you’ve reached a level of grammatical hysteria usually reserved for naive children’s letters … Read More
Dear Fellow Activist,
I had always considered myself an ethical human being, the sort that when faced with a dilemma would find the most responsible solution to the problem. However, not until April 11, 2002, did I discover the errors of my ways, … Read More
Words from the Top
All Hail Team Male
Waking up in the morning to the sturm und drang of my own testicular power, I’m invigorated by a sense of belonging, the joy of being a part of a group. But not an ordinary group of friends with insignficant … Read More
An Interview with Britney Spears!!!!
Heuristic Squelch: Hello, Britney Spears.
Britney Spears: Hello, Squelch interviewer man.
HS: What would you like to talk about today?
BS: Well, I guess the main thing I’d like to talk about is how much I’d like to have sex … Read More
UC Berkeley: Back in Time
Sometimes on the UC Berkeley campus it is tough to go ten feet without a Palestinian or Israeli trying to get your attention, crawl down your ear, and eat the tasty nutmeats within. With all the activism on campus, you’d … Read More
Lottery Winning on Tuesday
Everyone’s a Winner
Well, the weather is picking up lately. It’s hot outside and hotter still inside. The sweet spring air makes me want to grab someone special, head for the local 7-Eleven and win the lottery all day long. Of course, after … Read More
