My ’63 Convertible slowed to a stop in the eerie woods. There were no streetlights or signs of civilization for miles. You think I was scared? HA! Not with my date in the passenger seat. That night, I wore balls.… Read More
Tag Archives: feature
My First Time
The first time I pooped myself, I was 6 hours old. At least that sounds about right. I’m pretty sure that when it happened, it got on both my butt-cheeks and needless to say was a disturbing mess for my … Read More
Famous Showdowns Throughout History
Athens vs. Sparta
When: 491 B.C. to 412 B.C. However, doubts have recently been cast upon these dates by an excavation in Northern Greece and the fact that I’m just making shit up.
Where: See title of fight, tough guy.… Read More
Killing The Neighbor’s Dog In Five Easy Drafts
For the second time in a week, my lawn has dog poop on it. I will remedy this, the only way I know how.
One
I have heard that chocolate is like poison to dogs. I do have a lot … Read More
Disney Babes
While Disney tries to hide phallic symbols in the back of its cutesy animated features, no one needs to slow down the tape to realize that the Disney princesses are really fucking hot. Think about it: what turns us guys … Read More
The Big Game Page
Are you ready for the 105th Big Game? Are you prepared to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the GREATEST PLAY in the history of college football? Nay, the greatest MOMENT in the history of the WORLD? As you await the … Read More
Holiday Gift Guide
From SquelchCo
Glow-in-the-Dark Enema Kit
Parent and child alike will glean endless hours of fun the SquelchCo way with this fully guaranteed glow-in-the-dark enema kit. Power outages and spooky Halloween sleepovers have never before been this exciting (or this purifying).
#65422. Also … Read More
The Further Adventures of Turbo-Teen
A lot of people think it would be cool to be able to change into a sports car whenever they get hot, and back into a human whenever they get cold, but I’m here to tell you, it’s no picnic. … Read More
Holiday Memories
Carving the turkey is my favorite part of Thanksgiving. No, it’s not because I like holding knives or because I like to butcher things. It’s for the cooking aesthetics. The turkey always smells so fresh. Mom uses a special quality … Read More
Scrap!
The time was 11:52. PM. Me and the fellas were heading for the Ragtime after a little soft-shoe over on Main Street when we heard it. Bass. Walking.
“Snap!” I held up my fist and my crew clicked to a … Read More
