Co-opper: Hey Marx, dinnertime!
Marx: Finally! What are we having?
Co-opper: Tofu and eggplant casserole, fruit we got from Dumpster diving, and some dirt we found in the yard.
Marx: That’s repulsive. … Read More
Myth: A penny placed on the tracks will derail a train.
Status: False. Trains can only be derailed when an interracial child is born. It’s God’s way of saying no.
Myth: On average, a person eats eight spiders a year.… Read More
Thank you all for coming.
Ladies and gentlemen, I’m tired. I’m tired of the stares. I’m tired of the questions. I’m tired of this burden that I bear. It’s finally time to tell you all what happened on Mt. Kilimanjaro … Read More
December 24th, 1960: Found out Santa wasn’t real
I stayed up all night anxiously watching over the cookies and milk I had left for Santa. As soon as I heard a rustle down the chimney, I ran forward to give … Read More
I remember when I was growing up, I used to be scared to death of the people in Theme Park costumes. Maybe it was their cold dead plastic eyes. Maybe it was that time a guy dressed as the Tasmanian … Read More
“I need my beauty sleep. Lots and lots of beauty sleep. 40 pills worth of beauty sleep.” -Marylin Monroe
“I have this thing for asian chicks, ya know, because they’re the only ethnicity available on this entire continent.” -Confucius
“I … Read More
Remember when P. Diddy ran all of those “Vote or Die” commercials on MTV during the 2004 election? I think he meant that campaign to be aimed at senior citizens. That’s all they seem to do.
I don’t believe in … Read More
Welcome to
Purgatory!
You probably have a lot of questions, for instance:
Get your cocks out now boys, because otherwise you’re going to need to change your underwear upon hearing my amazing, mindblowingly incredible idea.
Alright, you ready? Sex…with the mouth!
Okay, okay, everybody settle down. I mean it, shut up. Take … Read More
Recently, National Geographic released the Gospel of Judas, a contradictory explanation of Jesus’s demise where Jesus asked Judas to betray him. The Gospel of Judas, while entertaining, is a long stretch from this totally historically accurate, Diary of Judas, which … Read More
