UC Berkeley: Back in Time
Sometimes on the UC Berkeley campus it is tough to go ten feet without a Palestinian or Israeli trying to get your attention, crawl down your ear, and eat the tasty nutmeats within. With all the activism on… Read More
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Lottery Winning on Tuesday
Everyone’s a Winner
Well, the weather is picking up lately. It’s hot outside and hotter still inside. The sweet spring air makes me want to grab someone special, head for the local 7-Eleven and win the lottery all day long. … Read More
Whites angered by Cal B-Ball Admissions Criteria
Darryl Whitman, a UC Berkeley freshman, is frustrated at what he calls the Cal basketball team’s racist admissions criteria. He was disappointed when he was dismissed on the first day of tryouts.
According to Coach Ben … Read More
If Everything in Life Were Like a Rejection Letter from Harvard Law School
Episode 1: Tetherball
Kid: Hey, guys. Can I play?
Other kid: After carefully reviewing your tetherball skills, we have decided not to let you play.
Kid: What tetherball skills? I just got here.
Third kid: We wish you … Read More
King of the Co-ops
So you want to be a co-oper, eh? Well it’s not as easy as donning a pair of Birkenstocks, getting yourself a stray dog and walking around bare-foot. No, being a co-oper takes more than simply learning a really… Read More
In Love With the Love Bug
Sure, I wasn’t the only kid who grew up with a treasured, worn-out copy of Herbie Rides Again, purchased at exorbitant rates because no one bought videos back then. The local Albertson’s never had a copy … Read More
Zagat Guide: East Coast
4, 5, or 6, New York City Metropolitan Transportation
Borough Hall GAA Brooklyn, Lex Ave GAA Manhattan, Pelham Bay Park GAA Bronx
Decor: 4 Service: Incomprehensible Cost: $1.50
If you “don’t mind the crowds of people and… Read More
Declaring Things Dead Pronounced Dead
One picosecond ago, a Windows text editor became autonomous and immediately pronounced that the concept of declaring things such as ideas, trends, or artistic movements to be “dead” was itself dead. The concept of declaring… Read More
Kiddy Drawing Just A Bunch of Cliches
Critics and art enthusiasts across the country were stunned last week after noticing a drawing by 5-year old Shelly Atkinson, which all agreed was just a collection of kiddy drawing cliches lacking any real artistic insight.
48-year… Read More
Four Friends Is Plenty
I’m sorry we can’t be friends. It’s not you. It’s me. Really. You see, I like you and I think we’d make wonderful friends, but I currently have four friends and four is really plenty. You see I … Read More
