Stretching
Let’s face it: there are a lot of problems in this world. The gap between the “have’s” and the “have-not’s” gets wider and wider each day. A ride on the U.S. stock market now feels … Read More
Let’s face it: there are a lot of problems in this world. The gap between the “have’s” and the “have-not’s” gets wider and wider each day. A ride on the U.S. stock market now feels … Read More
Citing the presence of Al Qaeda terror cells in the region, President Bush has ordered 200,000 US troops to the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska. The troops are expected to safeguard the Canadian border, displace the provisional… Read More
It has come to my attention that you have been, erroneously, under the impression that your son Roger is gay. If you two want to cry yourselves to sleep thinking that your pride and joy has, 20 … Read More
The culprit responsible for deadly post-9/11 anthrax mailings has been identified by federal authorities. Snowball the Pig was added to the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted list, and arrest warrants were issued in four states. Director of Homeland Security … Read More
Patrons at the new Club F++t in downtown San Francisco smiled awkwardly when 34 people suffering from Talipes equinovarus, or clubfoot, requested entry into the nightclub. Those smiles quickly turned to frowns as these latecomers had to be stabilized… Read More
Ophrys bilunulata, the cunning seductive temptress of Central Europe, discloses her arching figure, velvety hair, and fragrant scent; twisting the palpating heart of the male Andrena flavipesi to such a wicked degree that the loins of A. … Read More
When Americans file their tax returns in April, or purchase a package of Peanut Butter M&Ms, they will have the chance to choose between cobalt, periwinkle twill, and electric lime. In a joint effort between M&… Read More
FROM: Chancellor Berdahl (texasqueen@yahoo.com) TO: Cal Students (feesmonkeys@uclink.berkeley.edu) CC: Spring Admits (probablynots@uclink.berkeley.edu) Governor Davis (darthg@aol.com) REPLY TO: Kevin Deenihan (kevin@pkarchive.org)
As many of you are no … Read More
U.S. health officials announced that by the time most Americans have been peeing for a long time, they feel it’s too late to start counting the seconds, thus artificially lowering the standards for the Guinness Book of World Records’ … Read More
Last Tuesday, Pleasanton, California resident Matthew Smith, though a self-professed normal and even mediocre guy, discovered true love, which sci-entists had previously claimed was impossible. “It was easy,” he claimed. “It was right next to the … Read More