Top Ten Pointlessly Exotic Sexual Practices
- Oral Fisting
- 96
- PhoneFeltching
- Sex with Tom
- Auto-Erotic Tea-bagging
- Nasalingus
- Menage ‘e un
- BDSMQWXCTF
- French Hugging
- Yoga
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Top Ten Inappropriate Memorials
- Mark Paul Gosselar eternal monologue to camera
- A giant trophy case for Tom Holmoe after we kill him
- Vietnam War Boring Wall of Names
- Ethnic studies eternal cop car flame
- Quake III Klebold/Harris Edition
- The Airwolf Sanctuary
- Washington Monument
- Religion
Top Ten Entries That Didn’t Make the Other Lists in this Issue
- The non-sequitur
- Princess Diana golden telephoto lens
- This one
- Recently invested in eToaster
- Not a damn word, just let him dry hump your leg one last time, you heartless wretch.
- Phantom of the Operadish
- When supervisor walks in throw cheese
Top Ten Ways to Act Like You’re Working in a Pizza Factory
- Keep one Netscape browser window open to Pizza.org while writing personal emails
- Lie down in giant vat of pizza sauce and make pizza angels
- Order pizza!
- Repeat in loud voice, “I sure am making a lot of pizzas!”
- Ride around
Top Ten Vegetarian Musicals
- Rentcumber
- Jesus Christ Did You Try the Vegetable Dip?
- A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, to Buy Cabbage
- The Sound of Mueslix
- Banannie Get Your Gun
- Oliver! Oil
- Bring in the Soy, Bring in the Funk
Top Ten Formulaic Top Ten Entries
- The one about Hoku Jeffrey/Lauren Bausch
- The really long, rambling one
- The one that references an earlier entry
- The one that’s not a joke
- The timely reference to campus news
- The shamelessly unfunny coding/physics joke
- The self-deprecating one
- The one
Top Ten Things to Do with 50 Corpses
- Toss in junk drawer
- Take seven and form your own damn octet
- Drop out windows
- Have join Sigma Phi Epsilon to emphasize how dead the house is
- Enroll in hard classes to lower the mean
- Line them up, then knock
Ask Saundra Firth
Better Living through My Vagina
Janeane from Carson City, NV asks, “So how is your column different from the many other advice columns out there?”
Well, Janeane, for starters, I think outside the box. I’m a no nonsense go-getter, so don’t expect me to … Read More
Berkeley Resident Ignored, Capitalism Thrives
Berkeley resident Mike Willis was doing some routine shopping at Safeway on College Avenue yesterday, when the unexpected happened. The shopper in front of him, a Joshua Martinez, was informed jubilantly by Sarah, Deputy Manager since 1992, that he would … Read More
Pile of Gunk Found
A big pile of gunk was found on the corner of Haste and Dana late Sunday afternoon. “Yeah,” said Berkeley Police Department Captain Dick (of Captain Dick and the Portholes). “That was just a really, really big, really, really gunky … Read More
