- The Legend of Bagger Steve
- Steven Seagal Counts Backward From
50, Part 2 - Point Break Your Face
- Steven’s Choice
- Not Without My Son
- Wild On Steven Seagal
- I Like to Squint
- Straight to Video: Then to the Trash-can
- Out for
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Ten Reasons Bush Can Wage War Without The Consent of Congress
- ‘Cause
- He got the OK from Barbara Lee over tears and coffee
- Because he’s our fairly and democratically elected commander-in-chief
- Got consent from Israeli Parliament instead
- Because no one cares what he does with his toy soldiers
- Thought consent was
Top Ten Ways to Solve UC Labor Dispute
- Foreigners!
- Black market GSI’s
- Just look things up in a goddamn
dictionary! - One lecture for all classes
- Webcasts, webcasts, webcasts
- Move over to more self-teaching
system - Russian roulette
- Sticks and stones
- Monkeys with fl ashcards
- Lecturers withdraw to West Bank
Top Ten Things Tom Holmoe is Doing Right Now
- Sleeping in gutter
- Trying to throw bricks through
Tedford’s window - Buying new polo shirts
- Watching Cal Games with the sound
off, pretending he’s coaching - Sitting in a bathtub of peach schnapps
eating ice cream and watching 24
straight hours of
Girl Buys Single-Strap Bag to Make Boobs More Defined
After months of internal debate, freshman Julia Anderson was ecstatic with her purchase of a simple, casual purse last Friday. “I can put the strap over my shoulder…right here,” she said as she positioned the strap, “So you can see … Read More
Class Stalls for <i>Fight Club</i> Rant
Productive class discussion was brought to a grinding halt in 4 Le Conte Thursday afternoon when sophomore Brian Eckerson interjected a diatribe on the merits of the movie Fight Club into a lecture on the novel Great Expectations, by Charles … Read More
Roommate Impersonated on Instant Messenger
Berkeley student Roger Haines fraudulently represented himself as roommate Thomas Marx by writing messages using Marx’s AOL Instant Messenger screen name, sources reported Tuesday. Haines claims that he was merely using his roommate’s computer to print a document, and the … Read More
How Do I Get Rid of This Gun?
They say you just can’t get rid of a gun anymore. Used to be, disposing of a gun was easy. But nowadays, it’s all difficult and stuff. To test this theory, I have purchased a gun.
Trial 1: I throw … Read More
Top Ten Things Women Do in the Bathroom Together
- Silently go about their business
- Each other
- Talk shit
- Conspire against Castro
- Wait for the GHB to be put in their
drink - Solve crimes
- Magically transfer excrement from
body to toilet, because girls don’t take
shits - Discuss merits of Hobbesian
Top Ten Terrorist Dances
- George W. Bush Cha-Cha
- Echo Tango Foxtrot
- Momar Meringue
- Intifandango
- PLO Polka
- Hamas Hustle
- Jihad Jig
- Sharon Swing
- Lindh-y Hop
- Osama Mamba
