- You’re a terrier and dogs look stupid wearing clothes.
- Because that shit is hot.
- It’s a parade, and you’re showing off your new set of clothes to all yoursubjects.
- How else is anyone going to see your cock ring?
- Do
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Ten Terrorist Pick-up Lines
- How ’bout I go and invade your Gaza Strip, baby?
- Don’t let the terrorists win has always been my motto, but If you let me buy you a drink, we will all be winning!
- I just have to say that
Top Ten Things to Do With Five Minutes Left
- Win a gold medal in the 800 meters at the Special Olympics.
- Complete an unsatisfying ab workout.
- Wait patiently for the supervillain to explain his detailed plan.
- Cut the black wire … No, the yellow wire!
- Be a dick and
Top Ten Things You Don’t Want to Hear From Your Gynecologist
- Eureka!
- Geez woman, have you ever heard of a bikini wax?
- Is this where the stork’s supposed to land?
- Are you aroused? It’s okay, you can tell me.
- I’ve never seen that color before.
- It appears that you have pneumonia.
Top Ten People We Wished Taught Classes at Cal
- Cicero (and his Troupe of Gyrating Choir Boys)
- Jimmy the Dancing Chimp
- Tony Danza
- Hitler
- Mr. Non-Sequitur
- Gandhi
- Marie Curie (’cause she’s hot)
- Santa Claus
- Stalin
- Jon Stewart
Top Ten Reasons to Screw in a Light Bulb
- The old bulb burnt out.
- You don’t want to piss on the floor.
- You’re in the segregated south.
- Houseboy!
- You’re an ethnic minority and/or holder of an unpopular job description.
- You’re tired of masturbating.
- You’re Thomas Edison and think you’re
Top Ten Replacements for Rock, Paper, Scissors
- Trial by jury.
- Christmas, Hanukkah, Commercialism
- Growing up, you dorks.
- A unitary autocratic dictatorship.
- Embryo, fetus, baby
- Chicken, egg, chicken, no wait….
- Christian, Jew, Muslim
- Mossimo, Stussy, No Fear
- White, Black, Asian
- Russian roulette.
Top Ten Things People Find At Cal
- The clitoris.
- A distaste for razors.
- Ralph Fiennes.
- Donner Lab (by the time they’re a senior).
- The missing link.
- Knowledge of what to wear when it’s raining.
- Hate for the views of others.
- A crappy apartment.
- Their high school friends
My Adventure at Berkeley Bowl!
Believe it or not, some cities in this country aren’t as conducive to veganism and politically left-leaning ideals as our great town. Amazingly, in some cities white middle class youth waste their lives going to ovrepriced universities in preparation for … Read More
THE ALPHA MALE!!
Part man, Part lion, and a 100% pure man-lion
Pssst.. Hey loser! I’m talking to you. Yeah, you with the eyebrows and teeth. Let me ask you a question. Do you want to get all the Ladies? Do you want to be that guy who makes out with a … Read More
