Red Cross officials are praising their new program to refund blood donors for transporation costs. Started six months ago, the “Blood for Oil” program lets Red Cross officials pay to fill up the gas tanks of donors who contribute every … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Ten Replacements for Rock, Paper, Scissors
- Trial by jury.
- Christmas, Hanukkah, Commercialism
- Growing up, you dorks.
- A unitary autocratic dictatorship.
- Embryo, fetus, baby
- Chicken, egg, chicken, no wait….
- Christian, Jew, Muslim
- Mossimo, Stussy, No Fear
- White, Black, Asian
- Russian roulette.
Top Ten Reasons to Screw in a Light Bulb
- The old bulb burnt out.
- You don’t want to piss on the floor.
- You’re in the segregated south.
- Houseboy!
- You’re an ethnic minority and/or holder of an unpopular job description.
- You’re tired of masturbating.
- You’re Thomas Edison and think you’re
Top Ten People We Wished Taught Classes at Cal
- Cicero (and his Troupe of Gyrating Choir Boys)
- Jimmy the Dancing Chimp
- Tony Danza
- Hitler
- Mr. Non-Sequitur
- Gandhi
- Marie Curie (’cause she’s hot)
- Santa Claus
- Stalin
- Jon Stewart
My First Time
The first time I pooped myself, I was 6 hours old. At least that sounds about right. I’m pretty sure that when it happened, it got on both my butt-cheeks and needless to say was a disturbing mess for my … Read More
Guitar Solo Fades Out
The guitar solo on the pop-reggae classic “No Woman No Cry (Live),” as it appears on the 1984 Polygram release “Legend: The Best of Bob Marley & the Wailers,” fades out as the track ends, sources reported Tuesday.
The solo, … Read More
THE ALPHA MALE!!
Part man, Part lion, and a 100% pure man-lion
Pssst.. Hey loser! I’m talking to you. Yeah, you with the eyebrows and teeth. Let me ask you a question. Do you want to get all the Ladies? Do you want to be that guy who makes out with a … Read More
Top Ten Things People Find At Cal
- The clitoris.
- A distaste for razors.
- Ralph Fiennes.
- Donner Lab (by the time they’re a senior).
- The missing link.
- Knowledge of what to wear when it’s raining.
- Hate for the views of others.
- A crappy apartment.
- Their high school friends
Top Ten Things a Frat Boy Would Do With a Time Machine
- Wish for more wishes.
- Break up time machine into small parts; paddle each other with the remnants.
- Go back to that day that everybody got totally hammered and gotthe goat on the roof and then we played foosball until Chad
Top Ten Reasons to Get Naked
- You’re a terrier and dogs look stupid wearing clothes.
- Because that shit is hot.
- It’s a parade, and you’re showing off your new set of clothes to all yoursubjects.
- How else is anyone going to see your cock ring?
- Do