- Peter, Paul, and Mary (the Ones from the Bible)
- The Chemical-free Brothers
- Guns N’ Moses
- Nirvana…Does Not Exist
- Green Day That the Lord Hath Made
- Three Wise Men at Work
- Not-so-bad Religion
- John 3:11
- Burning Bush
- Ozzy Osbourne Again
Author Archives: The Squelch
The Real Wonder Years
Ah, the Wonder Years. That special time in a boy’s life from 8 to 8:30 on ABC’s Wednesday night lineup. Sadly, the show deeply misled the youth of America by making us think that during any conversation or event in … Read More
Top Eight Election-themed Gay Porno Movies
- A Brazilian Lacrosse Team Jacks Off on Lyndon LaRouche’s Face
- Moderated Masturdebates: The 90-second Rebuttal
- Cock the Vote
- Teabagging the Carpetbagger: A Night with Alan Keyes
- Big Swinging Caucuses
- Only Bob Dole’s Right Arm Is Limp
- The Erectoral College
- Hung
Top Ten Classes No Longer Taught at Cal
- African American Studies 11/Latin American Studies 9 (cross-listed): Why You’re Too Lazy to Steal
- Comparative Literature 2: Chaucer’s Revenge
- Physics 142C: The Physics of Cum Trajectory
- Landscape Architecture 39H: You Don’t Have to Take My Word for It, You KNOW
Top Ten Scientist Pickup Lines
- “Damn Yolanda, you must be a quantum singularity, because I’m drawn to your black hole.”
- “You’re like a carbon molecule, ’cause every part of me wants to bond with you.”
- “I’m like Schroedinger’s cat, because every time you look at
Tragedy Befalls Guinness
The Guinness Brewing Company, world renowned for championing Irish stereotypes and for its quasi-popular Guinness Book of World Records, witnessed record-breaking bloodshed at its annual World Record Holders Convention in Burbank, California, last weekend.
According to preliminary reports, the incident … Read More
Pen Pals
221B Factory Way
Shoe Factory District 4
Shoe Distribution Province 8
Malaysia 91423
9/15/2004
Dear 13-year-old Malaysian girl who made my sneakers,
I’ve never considered myself a romantic, but I’ve always believed that true love can find us anywhere. You … Read More
Mike “The Bomb” Yu Held for Questioning
Last week the National Terror Alert Level was raised to orange due to a security threat on the UC Berkeley campus. According to officials, a student was heard making a bomb threat after learning of his grade on an exam.… Read More
Scenes from <i>Stand and Deliver</i> If It Took Place in an Upper-middle-class High School in the San Fernando Valley
The Principal
Jaime Escalante: Principal Richman, I look forward to teaching these kids. They come from nothing, and no one believes in them, but I can get through to them. I’ll show them that calculGAA
Principal: Wait a second, you’re … Read More
Man Wasting His Life by Enjoying It
Sources close to Berkeley resident Daniel Arnette report that the 24-year-old percussionist and freelance graphic designer is throwing his life away by habitually seeking happiness and fulfillment from his waking hours.
“Just last week, Daniel was telling me that he … Read More
