- The Little Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe and Had Pubic Lice
- One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Smells Like Fish
- Where the Wild Things Are: Your Crotch
- The HIV-giving Tree
- Herp on Pop
- Goldilocks and the Three Bears,
Author Archives: The Squelch
Top Five Aliases Used by Candies While Traveling Abroad
- Margarinefinger
- Michael and Ike
- Mars (the Roman God, Not the Candy)
- Whatchamacallit Smith
- Pseud&M’s
Top Ten Rabbinical Pickup Lines
- “I’m gonna make sure that your bat mitzvah is one to remember.”
- “Do you like bondage? By the way, I’m a rabbi.”
- “I like my pussy like I like my matzo: free of yeast.”
- “I’d take you to Palestine for
Top Ten Gay Viking Leisure Activities
- Thor
- Marrying, contrary to Thor’s wishes
- Having oral sex with a guy
- Dressing up as Viqueens
- Designing new window treatments for Valhalla
- Swilling mug of Appletini
- Spelling names “Erik” and “Leif”
- Pillaging little decorative animal sculptures
- Raping women for sport,
Top Five Movies Written by Tapeworms
- You Got Served Bad Meat
- Get Shorty’s Tapeworm out Before He Dies
- Eat Drink Man Woman
- Weekend in Bernie
- I’m Eating Gilbert Grape
Closeted Student Plots Homoerotic Shaming
Eric Hill, a gay Berkeley freshman, is planning to pretend to pass out at a fraternity party in the hope that he will be teabagged.
Fraternity members are infamous for pranking people who pass out from alcohol intoxication by doing … Read More
Iraqi Prisoners Put On Freedom Play
Lt. Col. Rebecca Hastings decided it would be fun for everyone if the Iraqi prisoners put on a play about why they love freedom so much.
“Everyone’s always so glum around here,” she said. “I thought it would be nice … Read More
Architecture Building Collapses
In a shocking and ironic turn of events, Wurster Hall, famous for its training of the architects of tomorrow, collapsed today. The colossal gray building, deemed “goddamned hideous” by countless passersby, simply caved in on itself at 5:42 a.m., crushing … Read More
The Seminal Works of Dr. Seuss
Most people think of Dr. Seuss as the lovable children’s author. Because of this, we’ve put together a collection of his most famous works and annotated them with informative notes writen by scholars named me. Also included in this exclusive … Read More
Dog Analogous to Capitalism
Local dog Fido Proletariat achieved the dream of dogs and men alike yesterday, managing to catch his own tail for the first time after years of effort. Upon initially biting the tail, Fido growled with intense satisfaction and ground the … Read More