- Eman-on-mancipation Proclamation
- Sperman’s March
- Assomatix
- Carpet Baggers … hehehehehehehehe heh
- Analham Lincoln
- Robert E. Pee
- Jefferson Gay-vis
- Ulysses Grant … with a boner
- Stoneballs Jackson
- Tittiesburg
Author Archives: The Squelch
Popular Children’s Books Recalled
On Tuesday, scientists at Lawrence Berkeley Labs disproved the popular preexisting theory that everbody poops. The discovery was made after scientists spent two years observing test subject Ken Johnson. Johnson, a 20-year-old male from El Cerrito, has yet to poop. … Read More
Interview of the Week
Today we’re blessed to be interviewing two very gifted sports writers here about the Cal football team’s recent struggles.
First we have local CBS 5 Sports Director and host of The Last Honest Sports Show Dennis O’Donnell. Also present is … Read More
MONEY: Argentina Discontinues Use of Kitten Currency
In a 26-14 decision Thursday, Parliament voted to discontinue the use of kittens as currency in the financially-ravaged South American nation of Argentina.
Said spokesman Nicholas Garcia-Sege, “They don’t fit into a standard wallet. Vendors have begun to sell wallets … Read More
KJNK 104.2 FM
For Junkies, By Junkies
The Morning Show, with hosts Johnny Five and the Crazy Horse
Host: Hey, welcome to the morning show. Time right now is 6:32 pm.
Crazy Horse: They call me the Crazy Horse because I’m crazy about… wait, what?
Host: [… Read More
Top Fifteen Signs Your Wife is Cheating on You with a Horse
- You married a slutty horse
- Hideous centaur children
- Douches with molasses, apples and salt
- Find the words “Mrs. Ed” written lovingly all over her day-planner
- Everytime you answer the phone, hear 4 minutes of a horse trying to hang up
Viewership Soars as Baseball Reveals Bold Plan
Reeling from record-low World Series ratings, baseball commissioner Bud Selig yesterday unveiled a new marketing strategy to revitalize interest in the sport. Baseball will be disbanded.
Speaking at a news conference, Selig explained, “In lieu of playing a full season, … Read More
Top Fifteen Slightly Less Dangerous Things
- Throwing a really hard penny off the top of a model of the Empire State Building
- Lite-brite saber
- Syphil-them
- Prison consensual sex
- Single Sclerosis
- NRA: National Ruffle Association
- The Heck’s Angels
- Black guy in cage
- Bungie walking
- Drinking a gallon
Words From the Top
Berkeley Speaks Out
“There is a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can’t take part; you can’t even passively take part, and you’ve got to put your bodies upon the gears … Read More
Justice League Cybersex
UnderTheSea : Hot4Tuna69 – Instant Message
Hot4Tuna69: hi ๐
UndrTheSea: Hi! a/s/l?
Hot4Tuna69: 18/f/metropolis ๐ u?
UndrTheSea: Um, kind of complicated, but I’m a young guy in Metropolis too! Have a pic?
Hot4Tuna69: sure here u go ๐
UndrTheSea: Holy … Read More