Political Science
Take a Shot every time the one Libertarian tries to change the discussion to how pot should be legal.
Take a Shot of Vodka each time a student uses the term “capitalist” like it means “AIDS”
Person to … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
Homeless Comedians
Jerry Seinfeld
I don’t know about you guys, but I like to stay clean. But it’s so much trouble these days. Every time you get clean you’re just gonna rub vomit in your hair all over again.
[laughter]… Read More
Back-Alley Mike’s School of Back-Alley Self-Defense
Thanks to the Democrats, 3-time “King of the C-Block Showers” Back-Alley Mike is back on the street to teach you the fundamentals of self defense.
“Staring down the barrel of a gun is one of the most challenging situations … Read More
Democrats Arrive in D.C. Reeling From Month-Long Celebration
In their first day as the majority in both houses of Congress in over a decade, Democratic officials sheepishly stumbled up the steps of Capitol Hill forty-five minutes late for their first appointments, clutching oversized travel mugs of coffee and … Read More
Rick Santorum?s Job Search Hits a Dead End on Monster.com
Having been defeated in the mid-term election, former Senator Rick Santorum (R-Pennsylvania) slammed his keyboard down in disgust. “Dammit! It’s called monster.com. I thought I’d at least be able to find a job that involved scaring little children and taking … Read More
Great Moments in the History of Invention
Explosives
Inventor of the Dynamite Stick : MOTHER FUCK! OH FUCK MY MOTHERFUCKING ARM IS GONE!!!
Inventor of the Dynamite Fuse : Next time, try using one of these. It’s called a fuse.
Inventor of the Dynamite Stick : Will … Read More
Rumsfeld Resignation Address
[Rumsfeld enters and takes the podium]
Thank you all for coming. As you may have inferred from the mid-term election results, I am resigning the post of Secretary of Defense. Before I take leave of you, I have … Read More
Words From the Top
Dear Squelch
We here at the Squelch are proud to be entering our 16th year on this campus, and we’d like to celebrate by answering our readers’ most commonly asked questions. Unfortunately none of our readers have ever asked us anything. The … Read More
Top Ten Signs Your Partner is a Cannibal
- Foreplay involves complimentary bread
- Tosses your salad with Ranch and croutons
- Wants it 3 times a day
- Breaks up with you by saying, “It’s not you, it’s my high cholesterol”
- Uses a napkin as a Dental Dam
- Gives you hand
Top Ten Homoerotic Bumper Stickers
- Don’t Blame Me – I’m Dying of AIDS
- My Other Car Is a Man’s Ass
- Danger: Wide Loads
- Visualize Whirled Penis
- My kid beat off Your Honor Student
- I don’t like Bush
- Support Your Right To Bears!
- Horn Broken –
