Ever wonder about other people? Do you have a lot of questions about that guy standing over there? Or maybe that girl – you know, the one with the nose? We pretty much have all the answers, but we don’t … Read More
Author Archives: The Squelch
Cal NERDs Aim Virtual Sights High
BERKELEY, CA – Unknown to most Berkeley students is the secret underground supercomputing facility hidden below the dining commons. Here, industrious computer science students are working around the clock to find the Pamela Anderson sex tapes and “kick a lot … Read More
Fight for Cal Cheerleaders
(sung to the tune of Fight for California)
I jump and I spin
I suuure hope Cal wins,
I’m in my tights, and in my sweats
And this tight top reveals my breasts
I don’t know the sport,
I dooon’t know the score
But I’m a Ca-al cheerleader… Read More
Top One Kenyon Jones Facial Expression
- That one that he does about 50 times a game, either after he has fallen down again or when he’s being taken out for screwing up. Again. And again. And again. For Christ sakes, get up Kenyon!!
Top Fourteen Things You Do Not Want To Wake Up and Find Inside Your Ass
- This ridiculous list
- A brontothere (look it up)
- Intel<sup>TM</sup>
- Klingons
- The other white meat
- A human lung
- Bad karma
- A spacious, sunlit apartment located on Northside
- El Nino
- You don’t know what it is, but it’s a-headin’ North.
- Herve Villachez
Top Ten Rejected Bubblicious Bubble Gum<sup>TM</sup> Flavors
- Hemlock
- Green Apple Splatters
- Poppin’ Plastic
- Tropical Tartar Sauce
- Wood Shavings Splash
- Ejaculatte
- Sand and Rock Suprise
- Broken Glass
- Chalky Chalk
- Slammin’ Salt
Top Three Scariest Words in the English Language
- Heart
- Breaky
- Achy
Top Eleven Reasons to Smoke Pot
-
Because altered states of consciousness are the only known antidotes for college.
-
Because, with each purchase, 5% of the profits go to a needy cause.
- Because of the kind of people who don’t. Newt Gingrich doesn’t.
- Because you live in
Top Ten Overheard Lines on the All Dedication Station
- “Yo quiero Taco Bell.”
- “Can you hold on? There’s someone on the other line.”
- “Here’s a shout-out to all the 510 peeps who know that this shit gone down in the Eastside, bee-yotch. Hi mom.”
- “I just wanted someone to
Top Five Things Overheard at Chancellor Berdahl’s Last Speech
- “Wow.”
- “You’re kidding!”
- “No, I thought it was an Asian guy…”
- “Who?”
- “Who is this guy?”
